The weather has been super hot the last few days and the house is starting to smell like summer. Last summer I remember writing that it was strange and sad and exciting that it was the first summer in three years that I wasn’t post partum or pregnant. Those long, hot days of having a baby (or two) connected to me, (either inside or outside my body) were a thing of the past.
These smells of summer that have been wafting through the house have me feeling like I don’t know if I am ready for another summer just yet. It’s going too quick. One season after another, year after year.
I know these thoughts are not revolutionary. Others have thought them before me… Obviously.
Before time gets away from me… I need to start actively visualizing the exciting possibilities that I can create that can allow me to live the life I want.
Heres a story: I knew Elie was “the one” because before I met him, I’d visualized him. Sounds hoakie but its 1000% true. One night in my late 20s I lay in my bed at moms house where I was living because I was single, broke and jobless (and I had braces on my teeth. Imagine) It was a month before my 29th birthday and it occurred to me I did not want to be in the same position when I turned 30. I took a moment to imagine where I did want to be. I was in a nicer room, a master bedroom, and my husband was sitting on the corner of the bed taking off his socks and he said something silly/funny and I felt happy and content and giddy anticipating him coming to bed. It wasn’t in a sexual way- it was in a confident-that-this-is-where-I’m-meant-to-be-and-who-I’m-meant-to-be-with-and-I’m-happy way.
On my 29th birthday I woke up, showed up at my orthodontists office and demanded my braces come off that day. Two days later, I met Elie.
Within days I knew it was him. And within three months I’d sent him a picture of the ring I wanted. By my 30th birthday we were married. And i swear, that confident-that-this-is-where-I’m-meant-to-be-and-who-I’m-meant-to-be-with-and-I’m-happy feeling is the exact way I feel when I climb into bed next to him at night. (I’m a night owl- hes usually fast asleep by the time I crawl into bed- so i didnt get it 100%… So sue me.)
The smell of summer in my house has made me wanna spread my wings of possibility because if I understand what I want, it is well within my grasp.
Here’s another example. I always envisioned myself a strong, sexy mom.
But I spent too long being less than muchtastic. Yesterday I took the girls for pizza. I was coming straight from work.
In the pizza shop I found myself holding Liat with one hand, this high chair in the other, carrying them both gracefully through the crowded restaurant, single handedly lifting the high chair OVER another chair and putting it in place at our table, while wearing these shoes. I felt entirely bad-ass.
The power of visualization. It can take you great places.