Why do I need to write?

I’ve been sitting at this computer at least an hour longer than I know I should be. Spending that hour asleep would be a much wiser use of my time. But I feel like I need to write. That feeling has been eluding me lately. The past four days have been a whirlwind and I can’t tell if it’s that I’m not processing it, or if my processing process is so much different than what it was for most of my life that I am actually processing it and just don’t recognize the process.

So let’s proceed. Here is a rundown of the last 4 days:

Thursday: I learned that my very close friends 23 month old daughter had unexpectedly died. I learned this while at Liat’s school, picking her up because she had a fever and needed to come home. That is actually a story in and of itself. For another time.

….Frankly, I don’t remember much else about that day.

Friday: My younger brother’s wife gave birth to their first baby, a healthy little boy! Very exciting news! I am an aunt again! Yay!

My other very close friend took her precious little six month old to the hospital for invasive, life saving surgery. I waited on pins and needles for news. There were complications. I spent a lot of time waiting.

Both of my girls are home sick. I explain to Molly about death. Not fun nor easy.

Saturday: The six month old sweetie is doing a bit better. We’re not out of the woods but heading in that direction. Thankfully.

I sit and write a long email to a friend about all that’s going on. She replies with words of insight and strength. A few hours later she texts me to tell me her father in law unexpectedly died that morning. Really?

Sunday: I wake up to news that my other younger brother’s wife just gave birth to healthy baby boy! (Please note- this is my other brother’s wife, not my brother’s other wife… in case you were suddenly thinking I was Mormon :-) )

Then, I went to a first birthday celebration for a little girl born after her parents struggled for years to conceive her. They are now 4+ months pregnant again.

Then, I went to the viewing and visitation for my friend’s daughter. They asked everyone to wear white rather than black, to celebrate their daughters life.

I created this blog and I speak about remembering the light inside the darkness, and seeing the joy despite the pain.

It’s been a rough couple of days. I really want to meet my nephews.

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Love & Muchness, Tova


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