This is a problem…

[youtube_sc url=”http://youtu.be/dTFDfR47dl4″]

Two days ago after posting about how I was going to try and stay present and grateful and real I came across this video on my friends newsfeed. Just listening to it calmed the voices in my head, and the last two days have felt a lot more serene and less stressful than the days before.

The fact is, on this roller coaster train of Muchness seeking I feel like I am in a cycle of dips and highs and I am responding in the exact opposite way as I know I’m supposed to- I’m being the anti-muchness- looking at all the things that aren’t working, that are stressing me out, that are less than ideal.

Blech.

This video – even in all it’s woo-woo calmness – has helped me remember to slow down, focus on one thing at a time, and pay attention to my present moment. (Because really, the present is the only place you are gonna see your Muchness Moments anyway)

Today I looked down and realized that I am wearing the blue jeans the absolutely DEFINE my lacking Muchness period of my life. That kinda upset me.

jeans

I like to think that to a casual observer they are just cute distressed jeans but in reality I know better.

I bought them at a time when I was unhappy with my body. They were the only jeans that fit over my tush nicely. (They are designed to fit “curvy” girls)

I wore them to death, until there were literally holes in the inner thighs and crotch.

So I patched them. I told myself it was cute but in my heart I knew I didn’t mean it. Wearing them made me feel disgusting.

So I eventually bought a new, identical pair.

And I wore those until there were holes in the inner thighs and crotch. So I patched those. I again told myself it was cute but I knew I didn’t mean it. Externally I cursed the manufacturer for making such well fitting and expensive jeans in such crappy material. 

And every time I wore those jeans I felt like crap. Even though they still looked pretty cute on my tush. Except where the patches were.

And when I began my journey to find my Muchness I put them away and said “never again”… I will keep these as a reminder of where I never want to be again.

And I’m wearing them today.

Why?

I don’t know. Something about the old familiarity of them was calling to me. I noticed today that the patch on the hole on the crotch has developed it’s own hole. Air conditioning.

A family of 4 could crawl through the hole in the knee and have a picnic on my thigh.

And I won’t even mention that my combat boots look like they’ve been to a war zone.

It’s spring. It’s time to make a change.

I think it might be Muchness Hunting Season.

I’m on a really tight budget these days.

Muchness might mean DIY and Creative problem solving.

What is must mean is reconnecting and being present.

And sequins. Color. Smiles and optimism.

Maybe I’ll start by giving these damn jeans a Muchy Makeover. After all, they do still make my tush look nice….

Love & Muchness, Tova


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