I love introducing new challengers… reading their intros is always so special to me, and then I get to post them and share them and, well, I wish I didn’t always end up doing it at 1 in the morning, ya know? It puts me in a great mood getting all giddy about what their gonna post and then I gotta just take my muchy mood and go to bed so I can wake up for work the next day. But this isn’t about me. It’s about Tine and her Muchness seeking mission. To be honest, her intro made me tear up a bit. I think it’s really beautiful. In her own words, here’s Tine!
Wow! I can’t believe that I’m here and ready to start my 30 Days of Muchness Challenge!!! This is something I have thought about doing since I saw the first few participants, but was too chicken to commit. But thanks to a few women and convincing “shoves”, I’m here! And I’m excited! And a little nervous, because there have been some amazing women ahead of me. But it’s not just that they are amazing, they are inspiring. Through their eyes and hearts, I have gained a little more “Much” in my life, as well as the courage to chase it down full speed ahead. There are two big reasons I think I have lost my Muchness, which I’ll explain below.
My name is Tine (pronounced Tina – yes, I have to explain it often…blame the German parents :-)) I am 43 years old, but most days, I feel much younger. My husband Gabhán and I are the parents of 2 beautiful boys, Aodhán, 6, and Caolán, 3. Their existence is miraculous to me because in a previous married life, due to issues with my ovaries, I was told I would never, ever have children. But miracles do happen, first by meeting my husband and then in the uneventful and beautiful pregnancies with my two boys. Not that there wasn’t heartache…we had a miscarriage before Aodhán, and then another before our pregnancy with our little girl, Caoimhe (pronounced Keeva).
I met Tova and a few other women in the Muchness site through a baby loss forum that I credit with saving my sanity. It was THE last place I ever expected to find friendship, love, understanding and unconditional compassion. But I did, and it was due to my pregnancy with little Caoimhe. We went for our 15 week ultrasound, excited to get past it and begin telling friends and family of our wonderful good fortune. But that was not what happened. During the ultrasound we were SO focused on the neuchal fold and those results, which were perfectly normal….but when the Doctor came into the room, he had the worst news I have ever heard. Our baby had multiple markers for a Trisomy diagnosis, whether it was Trisomy 18 or 21 we wouldn’t know until we had a CVS. He explained that with the multiple problems identified, including heart, brain, skeletal and abdominal abnormalities, there was very little chance of a better diagnosis. After the CVS, it was confirmed that our wee baby had Trisomy 18 and our world came crashing around us. We had so many things to consider, so many things to decide. Sadly, and with so much emotional devastation, on September 16, 2010, our wee angel baby Caoimhe was born to heaven.
For such a little thing, she changed our lives forever. Waking up each day after that horrible Thursday was a nightmare, I was so sad, so overwhelmingly sad. But thanks to my incredibly patient, loving and wise husband, and the love and hugs of our two boys, I found my way slowly out of the abyss. But you never fully recover.
Partner that with an event that occurred in 2009 which caused me to doubt myself. I created and then allowed myself to manifest that doubt as “I’m too fat”, “I have ugly hair”, “I don’t know how to wear my makeup”…and the worst “I’m ugly”. So you could say, I let someone steal my muchness. So I’m here, and I’m ready to TAKE IT BACK! So, for me, finding my muchness is going to be about me finding my confidence again. To love my body, to love me and to shouting from the top of a mountain that “I AM MUCHNESS”! Hang on, it could be a wild ride! There will be laughter, and there might be tears…but mostly I hope that it will be fun!
I’m attaching a picture of something I did with GREAT confidence…a tattoo designed by my husband…the red flower for Aodhán, orange for my ginger Caolán and the butterfly for wee Caoimhe…up up and away.