September 25, 2009. Three years ago today, we said goodbye to our twin girls, forever nicknamed Sunshine & Daisy. At the depths of my grief lived a fear that my baby girls would be forgotten. That their short lives and their death inside of me would be a loss without meaning. But now, I know that is not the case. In their honor and memory I’ve shared their story with medical students who might one day find themselves faced with a patient in my shoes. I’ve shared my regrets with my own doctor, so perhaps a future loss mom will get the handprints and footprints I wish I’d have asked for. I’ve shared information and support with other pregnant twin mothers to help make sure they receive the care they need. I’ve opened others’ eyes and raised awareness about TTTS, which kills too, too many babies every year- many due to lack of information and knowledge about this disease. I’ve created a TTTS grief support group for other parents whose babies have been stolen from them by this monster, giving them a safe place to share their babies and their sadness and grief and know they’re not alone.
And I’ve helped women heal. Discovering The Muchness was my girls’ gift to me. It is a project that uses all that is the best in me to help me help others find the best in them. It is what helped me see my pain as a blessing, my loss as a gift and my future as a happy, love-(and-sparkle)-filled place I proactively want to build with my family.
I know now that my girls won’t be forgotten. They live on in me, in their dad and sisters, and in every person that has been touched by the projects they’ve given me the strength to create and share.
On the first anniversary of their loss, a few weeks before Liat was born, I created this memorial video in their honor. At that point I did it for me and planned to share it with just a handful of people, but when it was complete I couldn’t just keep my girls to myself. I shared it with just about everyone who mattered to me. At the time it was about 60 people. But my heart has grown and now anyone in this community who is touched by my words matters to me, and I’m sharing it again.
Thank you for reading, for watching, and for joining me on this journey.