Charitable Muchness- Who wouldn’t want to participate?!?

Two of my very dear friends Vadim & Tommy are participating in Pride Run this weekend in NYC and they have decided to run with the goal of raising funds for The International Gay And Lesbian Human Rights Commission.

They call themselves Team Brandi and I think they said it best when they write “Unlike Team Brandi, who have the luxury to run for fun or General Tso’s tofu, many LGBT people are running from machetes, guns, knives, rocks… They are running for their lives. Literally.”

Click to read their story


Last year when they ran, I created a Muchness band to support their mission,

It's Hot. 🙂


and I’m proud to share that we just donated $100 bucks to their race!! (OK- I admit- most of that came from my heart, and not Muchness Bands… maybe next year I’ll be able to donate 10 times the amount!! I’m gonna put THAT on my To-Do list. 🙂

Wanna know what you  can do to increase your Muchness Meter this weekend? Donate to this amazing cause and help Team Brandi meet their Goal. No donation is too small to help and make you feel Muchtastic!


Discussing Babyloss with my boss

I went on a business trip last week with my boss. In all the years that I have worked at this job, I’ve never gone on a business trip. I just kept getting pregnant and/or having babies. But now that Liat is one year and I am not preoccupied with getting pregnant again, I was glad to go. Just one day away from the office responsibilities and the house responsibilities was a welcome change.

It also gave me the opportunity to chat a bit with my boss. Although I try not to discuss this blog at work, my co-workers know about it, as do my bosses. In fact, I would not be completely shocked if they sat around reading it. Mildly shocked, maybe. But completely? No.  Hell, I wonder if his ears are turning red as he reads. these. words. right. now.

The boss I traveled with has never talked to me about the twins. Never really acknowledged it to my face. That’s fine. When I first returned to work 3 weeks after they died, I actually asked a co-worker to ask everyone not to make a big deal of it. But now, two years later, in the airport, waiting for our return flight, after a very abstract segue into the topic,  he said to me “It seems like you carry a  lot of anger about that situation.”

Oh. Um, hello.

Ok. I guess we can have this conversation. And I guess you’re reading my blog.

“I do.” I replied

“Why? It’s not like it defines who you are. Why would you want to focus on that instead of focussing on your other two blessings? It’s been two years. Why don’t you want to just put it behind you as just ‘something that happened in the past’?”

“OK. first of all, in many ways, it does define me. It just does. I am not the same person that I was before this happened. Therefore, by definition, it has defined me. But second of all, I think we are defining anger differently. I am not ANGRY…. like ‘I’M SO MAD!’ kinda anger… I am angry that I was forced to live through that experience. But not like, bitter anger. It’s more like, like …..”

“…Sadness.” He said.

“Yes, sadness. And I’ll always be sad about it. 2 years or 20 years. That’s just the way it is.”

We dropped the topic.

Two hours later we got on the plane. I (so unusual for me) still had more to say.

“Ya know… back to that topic…. I don’t want to forget about it and just put it behind me. I actually like talking about them. They are my children. You would never say to someone who lost a parent ‘put it behind you…. why do you want to talk about that'”

“But you never held them. You never looked at their faces, or saw them smile.”

I was surprised he said that. I know a lot of women would be appalled to have someone say that directly to them. I wasn’t. I was sort of touched. It was so… honest. I really felt like he was trying to understand my head.

“You’re right. I didn’t. And that’s really sad. But it really has nothing to do with the love I have for them. I love them as much as I love my other two children. I just don’t get to raise them.”

And with that, I think I saw a glimmer of understanding come across his face. And then, I felt at peace with the conversation. I closed my eyes and tried to get some sleep before we landed at 6am.

Today was the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Memory Walk at our local hospital.  I taped an oversized Sunflower and Daisy to Liat’s stroller and walked there with her. Just the two of us.

(I wore three Muchness bands, a silver sequin jacket, and my IN TOUCH WITH THE MUCH t-shirt… those things are my versions of ‘liquid courage’…. What? Oh. Doesn’t everyone have hot pink Duct Tape in their house?)

At the walk, a speaker talked about the importance of speaking up about our losses. About how, until those who experience these losses let others know and help them understand what it REALLY is to lose a pregnancy, to lose a baby, it will always be an isolating, invisible sorrow that others don’t recognize and can’t comprehend.

I felt good that I shared my feeling and thoughts with my boss, and maybe brought him a new glimmer of understanding. And so I decided to take that conversation and share it here. Through The MUCHNESS, I plan to educate the world.


Originally posted by TOVA on SEPTEMBER 19, 2011 / Reposted after The Great Server Crash of ’11

We often hear that there is no word for a parent that loses a child. A child that loses a parent? Orphan. A woman that loses her husband? Widow. But a parent that loses a child? Best they’ve come up with in the english language is the term babyloss mom / dad / parent. When I type babyloss I get little red dotted line under it because my computer thinks there must be an error. There is an error. It’s called babyloss and it’s a problem far bigger than my computer can solve with a spellcheck button.

Tonight I learned that there is a word for it. A word for a woman that loses a child. Two years I have been a babyloss mom. And I never knew there was a word for it. The word is Mishakayla. It is hebrew. The  hebrew language has a pre-existing word for us. It’s an acknowledgement of our status. I like it.

I also like that today my factory gave me a whoooole bunch of new Muchness bands that I’d been waiting for!!! New colors!! New prints!!! New Causes!!! I’m working on some stuff on and as soon as it’s ready, I’m gonna have a MAJOR re-launch event!!! Stay tuned!!

Mishakayla written in Muchness Bands. Just seemed kinda appropriate!

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }


Tine September 20, 2011 at 12:47 am

I love it! And I can’t wait to order one icon_smile.gif
And really, how wonderful that there is a word for us icon_smile.gif



Tova September 20, 2011 at 8:17 pm

Tine- you can order one- I’ll be sending out a few on Friday so if u make it in under the buzzer….. icon_smile.gif



JenM September 20, 2011 at 9:13 am

One thing that I found is that there’s a special word for a woman who has given birth to twins- gemellipara. I like it because it doesn’t say anything about parenting twins, and it makes me feel special because no one can argue with the fact that I have given birth to twins.



Tova September 20, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Wow- I never knew that. I love it!!! That english word might be more difficult to pronounce than the hebrew one! haha



Heather September 20, 2011 at 10:14 am

Oh i love this….i have always stumbled on the word babyloss for the reasons you posted. is this pronounced Mish-uh-kay-lah or Mish-uh-kai-luh? great post. great use of the muchness bands. xoxo



Tova September 20, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Heather- The first one… icon_smile.gif I was planning to do this with the word MUCHNESS for a Muchness Madness Post…I just didn’t have enough bands in stock. Now I can do it! icon_smile.gif



LellowOne September 20, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Ilove all the colors and I love that word. It sounds soft and stronger the same time. Can’t wait to order mine!

TOVAS Muchness pic of the day

Feeling much muchier today than I was yesterday!
Yay sparkly leggings and shoelaces!!!

And I think last night I decided I need a pair of leather pants. Nothing says “bad mood- don’t you dare mess with me today!” like a pair of leather pants can. I think if I could fund (typo- and I’m keeping it. ) a pair that fit well and are comfortable, I’d wear them all winter.
That’s something you have to try on which means I’d have to find them in person, not online. And, I want them to be metallic leather. What’re the chances of finding that??

I guess I’ll just be Muchness hunting this weekend…

The GIFT Of Muchness

So, I have a whole fresh batch of Muchness bands currently on order at the factory. They should be in by the end of the week and I am psyched to start promoting them because they’re HAWT.

It’s often hard to know how to reach out and show someone you care, especially when you don’t really know what would be appropriate, or you are concerned about saying the wrong thing. Muchness Bands are sort of like a little token of strength and support. It is a unique and personalized way to tell someone you know they are in pain, but you believe they are strong and resilient. And perhaps a little fantastically awesome too.

If you like the idea, but are concerned the recipient will not ‘get it’ because they are unfamiliar with The Muchness Movement, I’ve got you covered. Because I think about these things. because thinking about them makes me happy. And that’s My muchness.


When you order a Muchness Band it comes beautifully wrapped in tissue paper, sealed with a sparkly little Sunflower and Daisy. In addition to the silk band and the matching satchel, the recipient will find a glittering book of blank paper strips on which to write their secret notes to themselves to slide into the secret pocket. (I call them wish strips) But most importantly, they’ll receive a Mini Muchness Booklet.  It’s four little pages that describs ‘What is Muchness’, and the meaning and significance behind the Muchness Band. It will undoubtedly bring a little light and joy to their day, to know you are thinking of them and selected something so personal and meaningful to show them how much you care.

Packaged with the "Whats Muchness?" Mini booklet, and the strips of secret message paper.

Beautifully wrapped and sealed with some Sunshine & Daisy Muchness.

All packed up and ready to go!

Of course, if you get it for yourself it still comes with all the muchy accessories. 🙂

When you place your order, expect about 1-2 weeks for the custom quote design. And check out this page for ideas for sentimental quotes! You can choose one of those, or send me your own, or just write something that means something to you! I can fit as many as 75 words, or as few as two. It’s up to you!!