I have been in such an emotional conflict, even sparkles on the outside havn’t helped me. It’s been months since I have really come here and written a heartfelt post. My traffic has slowed a bit and I have been letting it, because I am rebuildng the site in a newer, more sincere and personal format. The work has taken longer than I expected but We’re getting close and I’m getting excited. I’ve also been conflicted at work. I’ve been arguing with my boss and feeling incredibly stressed and insecure. I’ve tried writing about it here but I always stop about two sentences in. Because I worry who will see this- namely my boss. But I’ve sent the last 3 years blogging my feelings and then ‘stopping’ to do that out of fear, I’ve been left emotionally chaotic and crippled.
So yesterday, I posted on my private TTTS Grief support group about my work issues. It wasn’t really the most appropriate place, but it was private and it was bubbling to the surface and I needed to just release some of it because the burden of carrying it in me is starting to take a toll.
And after I finished posting, I realized I really didn’t have as much to be afraid of as I’d thought. I put the words down in print and immediately I felt lighter.
I feel like I’ve neglected this site and the amazing women that have joined and contributed over the last few months, and for that I feel terrible and ashamed and I’m sorry. I’d like to say I’m done being afraid to post honestly here, but that would be a lie. So, for now, I will post and leave it password protected because I am too chicken sh*t to post publicly. 😐