I feel like I took a wrong turn. I’m trying not to feel this way. I’m trying to choose to look on the bright side. At the good stuff. That’s what makes life better, right? It’s all about perspective. But then, I think- sure, human beings can get used to anything- it doesn’t mean it’s what they should accept, or, technically, get used to.
I’m sitting outside this job, in what I unaffectionately call The Prison Yard, wondering if this is where I’m “supposed” to be. Maybe this job is the bone I was hoping would be thrown at me. Or maybe it’s a distraction. Maybe it’s a fear based “out” I created for myself when things were just starting to get real.
I don’t know.
I feel like Brittany Spears- I’m at a crossroads. I feel like Irish I could just pop in a belly shirt, hop in a convertible and head cross country. (Is that how that movie went? I have no idea. Shocking though it sounds, I’ve never seen it.)
Anyway,
Last week I went to an event with my family that honored Holocaust survivors. (Hows that for a segue?) My grandmother was amount the honorees. She and 7 other survivors shared their story about how they – all children at the time- barely survived the Nazis and were forced to live in unimaginable circumstance. They’ve gone on to build full lives and large beautiful families that were in attendance.
I found myself thinking “really Tova? Really?? WTF do you have to complain about? Get your ass-kicking boots on and show the world what you are made of!…. And then the next day I packed up my Tupperware lunch and hustled out the door to spend my day – voluntarily- sit behind barbed wire.
I suppose I should (and am) be grateful that noone will shoot me in the back with a machine gun if I touch the fence… And as i write this im thinking “really To a, I’m not sure you’re keeping things in the proper perspective.”
Damn- I gotta run… If my lunch goes longer than 30 minutes I might get in trouble.
Help me out, wouldya?
Do you think you have an ultimate “reason” and purpose for being here? Are you living that purpose? If so, how’d ya do it, and if not, share your purpose here. What’s one thing you can do to get closer to that goal?
Thanks for listening.
T.
Hi Tova,
just wanted to say that you are truly a breath of fresh air, and really hope that you can stick around and help that co-worker of yours that feels like he’s rotting from the inside out. Im sure everyday he’s having to find reasoning and purpose as to why he has to be in such a sterile place. Sometimes we just make up excuses as to why we cant take any risks, sometimes that weekly paycheck, that feeling of temporary stability numbs us, and tricks us into believing that theres nothing else. Or perhaps and hopefully one day he can look back and make sense of that long and strange trip…………:)
Well, thank you. 🙂 Tomorrow I will wear my prison stripe sequins and a big ol’ smile.
It does get to the point where it’s scary to even try to let a little light in. I was there, and it took a HUGE thing to get me out of that space in my head. That’s really the only place it lives, right? In our heads…
…or is it?