Inspirational gifts and accessories
Today I felt my stripes were rather Muchtastic. The receptionist at my office criticized me for not wearing enough sequins. Harumph.
Here’s a similar black and white striped top that’s super cute!
And By the way, People stop me in the streets to compliment my shoes and they’re super comfy. I swear.
Here are some similar ones by Michael Kors.
Oh, and that Fabulous Tie-Dye Muchness band. Only one place for that!
The weather has been super hot the last few days and the house is starting to smell like summer. Last summer I remember writing that it was strange and sad and exciting that it was the first summer in three years that I wasn’t post partum or pregnant. Those long, hot days of having a baby (or two) connected to me, (either inside or outside my body) were a thing of the past.
These smells of summer that have been wafting through the house have me feeling like I don’t know if I am ready for another summer just yet. It’s going too quick. One season after another, year after year.
I know these thoughts are not revolutionary. Others have thought them before me… Obviously.
Before time gets away from me… I need to start actively visualizing the exciting possibilities that I can create that can allow me to live the life I want.
Heres a story: I knew Elie was “the one” because before I met him, I’d visualized him. Sounds hoakie but its 1000% true. One night in my late 20s I lay in my bed at moms house where I was living because I was single, broke and jobless (and I had braces on my teeth. Imagine) It was a month before my 29th birthday and it occurred to me I did not want to be in the same position when I turned 30. I took a moment to imagine where I did want to be. I was in a nicer room, a master bedroom, and my husband was sitting on the corner of the bed taking off his socks and he said something silly/funny and I felt happy and content and giddy anticipating him coming to bed. It wasn’t in a sexual way- it was in a confident-that-this-is-where-I’m-meant-to-be-and-who-I’m-meant-to-be-with-and-I’m-happy way.
On my 29th birthday I woke up, showed up at my orthodontists office and demanded my braces come off that day. Two days later, I met Elie.
Within days I knew it was him. And within three months I’d sent him a picture of the ring I wanted. By my 30th birthday we were married. And i swear, that confident-that-this-is-where-I’m-meant-to-be-and-who-I’m-meant-to-be-with-and-I’m-happy feeling is the exact way I feel when I climb into bed next to him at night. (I’m a night owl- hes usually fast asleep by the time I crawl into bed- so i didnt get it 100%… So sue me.)
The smell of summer in my house has made me wanna spread my wings of possibility because if I understand what I want, it is well within my grasp.
Here’s another example. I always envisioned myself a strong, sexy mom.
But I spent too long being less than muchtastic. Yesterday I took the girls for pizza. I was coming straight from work.
In the pizza shop I found myself holding Liat with one hand, this high chair in the other, carrying them both gracefully through the crowded restaurant, single handedly lifting the high chair OVER another chair and putting it in place at our table, while wearing these shoes. I felt entirely bad-ass. 🙂
The power of visualization. It can take you great places.
I made this sticker for my work computer about three weeks ago. (I made a duplicate as a magnet for my fridge too.) Since then, I can’t tell you the countless times I’ve thought to myself “Remember Tova- Everything is Figureoutable” and it’s helped me keep my cool.
For Example: Today this quote helped me figure out how to get out of the office for lunch just long enough to write this post and share a MuchnessPicOfTheDay of my muchy skirt and shoes!
…it’s possible the whole second part of this post should have been written in my official “sarcasm font”… But it’s also possible I’m completely serious. Even I’m not sure.
….anyway, Marie Forleo is awesome. She offers business and personal advice and coaching to women, teaching them how to use their Muchness (my word, not hers) to find success! Seriously, this chic knows what she’s talking about and is therefore my first official MUCHTASTIC CHIC OF THE WEEK!!!
(***in the interest of full disclosure, Marie Forleo has absolutely no idea who I am. I came across her video series on YouTube and decided I
(*** also in the interest of full disclosure, I have no plans to have a weekly Muchness Chic of the week, I just used that line to be cute. But the more I think about it, I’m kinda digging the concept. Yay! Another Muchtastic idea to toss around in my ping-pong machine of a brain!!)
Yesterday, I went with the girls and Elie to an Easter egg hunt at my friends house. Having grown up in an orthodox Jewish neighborhood, and going to an orthodox Jewish school my whole life, you can understand why I was well into my teens before I ever really had any good friends that were not orthodox jewish friends, or even, not Jewish friends at all. But as an adult, I get to make my own decisions and a big one for me is welcoming and appreciating and absorbing the diversity that life has to offer. And yesterday, that diversity took the form of an Easter egg hunt. I was an Easter egg hunt virgin. The closest to egg painting I’ve got is looking longingly at the egg tie-dye kits in the supermarket and wondering if they make the egg inedible.
We had a great time and it was nice to spend the day with friends and meet some new ones.
In related news, I often wonder if there is something pathological to the fact that I love to dress these girls alike.
But then my eyes remind me how stinkin cute they are and how excited Molly gets to wear the same thing as Liat and how much easier it is to get them dressed when Molly is excited to wear the same thing as Liat and then I wrap all the way back around to how stinkin cute they look and tell that annoying little voice in my head to kiss my ass.
Sunny like a summer breeze.
This is the first time I’ve worn an all-over neutral color (and with no obvious sequins) in well over a year. Feels a little ~soft~ but the shoes and Muchness Band give it the kick of intensity I like need.
Happy Monday Everybody!
Liat right now is the same age Molly was when the twins died. Just under 18 months.
I’ve been looking at Liat, studying her, trying to remember if Molly was the same as her at that age, but it’s hard to remember. So much of that time is just a blur. Liat, at 18 months, mumbles a few words- like book, ball, more and done. She enunciates very clearly and loudly the words MOMMY and DADDY. Usually too early in the morning. She crawled right on schedule, has been walking for months and runs like a champ. This is all in contrast to Molly. By 18 months she was talking a mile a minute. She was singing Happy Birthday and already telling me what to do. But she was only starting to take a few steps. And she never crawled. Never. Instead she did this butt shuffle thing across the floor, and she could do it at lightning speed. I used to joke that she was too much of a princess to get on her hands and knees and face the floor. Now that she’s four, I realize that wasn’t much of a joke. It was foreshadowing of the truth. She is a princess. A very smart, intuitive princess.
I have this one clear memory of Molly from that time that always sticks with me. When I was pregnant Molly came up to me one day, lifted my shirt, touched my belly and said “baby”. It was so smart and I hadn’t told her that there was a baby in there, but somehow she picked up on it. I remember I was surprised and told Elie and scooped up Molly and kissed her and told her yup! That’s a baby— in fact, it’s babies! My sister had bought her two little baby dolls – ‘twins’ as it were. They were about 10″ long and I remember reading in my baby book that the babies were about that long for my gestational age. I put the dolls on my tummy, sorta spooned together yin-yang style and showed her.
After that, she’d come up to me every day and do that. Lift my shirt and say baby. Pretty soon I got her to do that and kiss my tummy too. I loved it.
Then the babies died.
I had a D&E to remove the babies from my body. I was the first appointment of the morning. I was home by noon. Later that day, I sat on the floor playing with Molly. I was in shock, still completely numb to what had happened. Molly came over to me, lifted my shirt and patted my belly and said “babies.” I looked right at her and said “No more babies” and started to cry. My not yet 18 month old looked up at me with the most intensely understanding and emotional brown eyes. She pulled down my shirt over my tummy, scootched closer to me and wrapped her arms around me. She never pulled up my shirt again after that. Never mentioned the babies.
I thought at the time that she probably understood that something had happened, but I didn’t ever sit her down and explain it. Sometimes I wonder how much she understood, and if she remembers.
When I got pregnant with Liat it took a looong time for me to tell Molly. We both sort of ignored it till maybe my 7th month. It was almost a full year since we’d lost the twins. I eventually started talking about how she would be a big sister, we bought a ‘big sister’ book and slowly, she started to acknowledge my tremendous belly. We put heart stickers on it
and she put her handprint in paint
and I did whatever I could to create positive pregnancy belly thoughts to counteract the negative ones that were somewhere in her baby subconscious. And in my own. I videotaped my tummy dancing up a storm.
[youtube_sc url=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9EvHLN_-Hc&feature=youtu.be”]
Elie and I spent one evening painting my tummy. We used paint and traced the veins that were all over my body. then we added leaves and flowers and called it The Tree Of Life.
I guess I’m feeling sentimental for pregnancy. For the anticipation of every moment. The feeling of a baby living and growing inside of you. Of the twins, who filled my body for 6 months and were a miracle and blessing all their own. Even though they died inside of me and brought me a grief and sadness unlike anything I’d ever known. They also brought me a love, a depth and empathy like I’d never known. We’re not planning to have another baby. The plan was two. From the day we met. The only time I ever wanted more than two was during those six months when I was expecting three. And for about a year and a half after that. And in moments like this at 2 in the morning.
That’s all for now.
"...we lose the ability to be vividly, unreservedly alive (which small children have) it takes growing older to regain that capacity."
I purchased Harpers Bazaar Magazine today. I am quite sure I have never bought that magazine before, so I don’t know what compelled me today to pick it up. But I did. Inside there was this article by Dominique Browning entitled “Why I Like Getting Older.”
I haven’t read the article. I started to. I plan to finish. Logic would dictate that I finish the article before I write about it, I know. But the kids were distracting me after four paragraphs and I’d already read something that got my brain going, so I figured I’d write it while it was fresh in my head.
The article, from what I can tell, seems to be a positive spin on how getting older allows one to sit back, relax, find confidence, and remember to appreciate the little things. In my language, take stock of their Muchness Moments. Obviously this is a concept I can stand behind.
What stood out to me though was the cavalier way the author dismisses “the ability to be vividly, unreservedly alive” as something only “small children have.” Why? Can only small children and enlightened boomers find a way to be ‘vividly, unreservedly alive?” Even as I write this I feel myself grow resentful of the premise. I LOVE the words “vividly, unreservedly alive.” They are so… aspirational, so inspired, so Muchtastic! I regret that I had let my desire to live “vividly and unreservedly” fade over the years, but I am now here, blogging about vividly unreserved shoes and colors and sparkles and creative ideas that are helping me infuse my life back with an energy that is uniquely, vividly and unreservedly ME.
I guess what I’m saying is, unlike the authors wording would suggest, I don’t think that HAS to fade when you stop being a small child. I think it often does, and that’s sad. But I prefer to think that there are people who are able to maintain that into adulthood! (One of my favorite designers of all time, ever, Betsey Johnson, comes to mind) I think if we, as adults, stop being afraid to live out loud, to live creatively and colorfully and vividly and unreservedly, we may just be lucky enough to raise some children who will learn that they NEVER have to lose that spirit, (only to attempt to try to refind in their golden years or after a tragic loss like I did.) What a gift that would be to a child.
I just commented on Jen’s Post how a few months ago I went to a family event and spent a bit of time talking to a cousin I used to be close with when we were children, but haven’t really seen since I was about 10 or 12 years old. I was yapping away and she commented that my personality “hadn’t changed a bit”. I took it as a compliment and replied that actually, I had changed. But recently, I made the decision to change back. I realized I much preferred the optimistic and colorful and “Why be normal?” irreverence of my youth so I’m making an active effort to reclaim it. Admittedly, it’s harder to be that vivid and unreserved when there are bills to pay, people to answer to, responsibilities to handle… I guess that’s why I look for ways to maintain it- or create it- or remind myself what it looks and feels like. If it’s in the way I respond to a pair of shoes, or some over-the-top nail polish, or even just by paying attention to the beauty of my daughters’ laughter. Those are the Muchness Moments that combine to equal a vivid and unreserved, ie: a MUCHTASTIC existence.
What are some ways you make a conscious effort to live vividly and unreserved- tapping into the enthusiasm you had as a kid? And what are some areas you would like to work on to add a little more of that in your life? I’d love to read your Muchy thoughts!
wooohooo!
I was featured in decorhacks.com!
They Looooved my Muchtastic DIY Backsplash!
Dollar store coasters, glass tiles and paint chips! Click to Check It Out!
