Category: INSPIRATION

5 ways to keep your Muchness During the Holidays

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Ohhh, the holidays are upon us!! That exciting time when the energy is electrified with good cheer and happy people, where we spend carefree days and nights surrounded by our extended family, decorating the house while singing happy songs, eating yummy food, baking cookies and just enjoying the perfectness of it all! 

I know, right? Just writing that shit makes me feel a bit like barfing.

The holidays are hard. HARD.

Everybody with their oversized expectations, undersized budgets, chaos, drama, conflict, stress…

I was recently asked “How can a person keep their Muchness during the holidays?” and my first thought?

Don’t do what you don’t want to do. 

I know. Sounds impossible, right? We spend so much time trying to accommodate everyone else, how on earth are we supposed to not do what we don’t want to do?

Well, let me let you in on a secret. You don’t HAVE to do what you don’t want to do. Don’t want to travel four hours to spent an uptight dinner with your annoying relatives? Don’t. Will you be unpopular? Maybe, for a few minutes, but so what? You are the pilot of your own life and if you would rather have a quiet dinner at home with your buddies Lean and Cuisine, that is a perfectly valid decision.

But, since I live on planet earth and recognize that that is really hard for most people, I’m gonna give you 5 other ways to keep your Muchness at the Holidays.

1- Set your expectations low. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment by expecting things from people beyond the bare bones basics. The only one who walks around disappointed in the end is you. (PS- that doesn’t mean to give up all hope that the holidays can run smooth and beautiful, hopefully they can and your family members will all be in perfect form. Just don’t expect it.)

2- As My grandmother says “just because someone drives their crazy train into your station, doesn’t mean you have to purchase a ticket and hop on board.” Don’t get on anyone else’s crazy train. It is never worth it.

3- Expect your emotions to be a little off-kilter. In the baby loss community, it’s a well-known fact that the holidays bring with them shadow sadness. Even if everything is perfect (and maybe especially if they’re perfect) the feelings of missing those who aren’t there is especially acute. If you are aware that you might feel this way, it makes going with the flow a bit easier to handle. ***Note: this is not just about loss- it can be about sadness that the year has passed and maybe you didn’t accomplish all you set out to do… whatever the emotion that rests below the surface, just let it be what it want’s to be and accept it’s presence.

4- Create a tradition. DO NOT create a plan that is going to stress you out more. Do something small, meaningful, or significant to you in a way that only you know. If there is someone you miss, something that brings you sadness, take that exact thing and make it into something that puts a smile on your face and keeps you connected to that sadness, but gives you a reason to celebrate the love that is there.

5- Wear a Muchy festive sweater! Of course!! By the way, I’m totally serious. In the tradition of Fuit cake and well, ugly festive sweaters, go put one on! Wear it with a a big ol’ self-deprecating smile and take comfort in knowing that you are being proactive in giving other people a reason to smile. And those other people, the ones that roll their eyes and think mean things? Take comfort in knowing they just need a little Muchness in their lives!

OK, so, I’m no fool. I know the chances of you purchasing a holiday sweater are slim. So I’ve taken the liberty of compiling this  selection of Totally muchy and easily wearable tops. Scroll through- there’s stuff in all size ranges and all price points. I’d love to see pics of you wearing some happy, light reflecting Muchness this holiday!!

Are you sabotaging your own Muchness?

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This past Sunday night I was invited to chat with Dr. Phillip Dembo on his radio show about how not to lose your Muchness during the holidays. You can listen to the conversation here. Please let me know if you do!

This is the third time I’ve been so generously invited to speak with him. The first time I was, quite literally, shaking like a leaf with nerves. I called in from my work phone while hiding on the floor of one of the showrooms, praying my boss would not look for me. The second time I was still pretty nervous, but this time I really just had a great time chatting. Dr. Dembo has a great way with words and sometimes seems to have better way of describing The Muchness than I do!

We talked a bit about the larger journey I’ve been on to Find My Muchness. The fact that I’ve taken this (some might say insane) leap and left my day job to pursue spreading The Muchness full time.

I told him this was really just another major step in Finding My Muchness – a specific Muchness I’d lost in the past.

Growing up, I’d always envisioned myself as an entrepreneur, and in my twenties I started a handbag company that I was passionate about and ran single handedly for 6 years. I manufactured in New York and  overseas and sold my products around the world. But then, after trusting a business partner that was undeserving of my trust,that business failed. I told myself I’d never start a business again. I convinced myself that not only didn’t I want to, but that I couldn’t do it successfully.
I’d started to believe what so many others – including my former boss when I quit just a few months ago – had tried to convince me of – that as an artist, I was somehow not equipped to run a business. I wasn’t smart enough, organized enough or capable enough.

Convincing myself of that story was probably the first big step in me losing my Muchness. 

Why do we tell ourselves these things?

What we tell ourselves in our heads in time becomes our reality.

Somehow, instead of telling myself how proud I should have been of my successes, I told myself I was not good enough. Not valuable enough, not deserving enough, not smart enough.

This, despite the fact that the FACTS didn’t even support that self-minimizing lie! This is me, in a 2005 article in Entrepreneur Magazine.

This was written many months before it hit the stands. When the interview & photoshoot  took place, I was on top of the world, yet by the time I saw it in print, I had been screwed over by the business partner I mentioned above,  was feeling insecure, full-of self-doubt and was almost embarrassed by the article, convinced I didn’t deserve the paper it was printed on.

(Off-topic side note I just can’t keep to myself: I recently fit back into those white jeans for the first time since 2005!!! Thank You Muchness Meals…. Side note to self: Share more info about Muchness Meals in the future.)

Yet here I am, once again jumping off this cliff into entrepreneurship, based ENTIRELY on passion and the belief in what I am doing. Based entirely on wanting to help people refind their joy, their identity, and connect with their own passion and purpose. Because I KNOW anyone can find their Muchness, and I could no longer sit at a desk and not make this my life’s purpose. Maybe jumping off that cliff without a sound business plan is the artist’s way of doing it, but i am ready now to own that, because it’s who I am and I trust in myself. THIS FEELING IS THE MUCHNESS IN ACTION. I am walking proof that despite the challenges we face, despite the responsibilities we have and the crap that exists in the world, the passion that lives inside us CAN come out and SHOULD come out. Sometimes it just needs a little nudge in order to find it’s way to the surface.

If this post resonates with you, I’m going to ask you to TAKE ACTION! In the comments below, share something you tell yourself in your head that steals your Muchness, that you want to stop hearing. A self-sabotaging thought that invades your brain rent-free and makes you doubt your abilities, capabilities, or strengths. And then, write a new script. Right there in the comments. Decide what voice you’d rather hear in your head and type it out. read it. Say it to yourself. And do your damnedest to believe it. And even if at first you don’t believe it, say it again.

If you’re gonna spend the time in your head convincing yourself of something, shouldn’t that something be that you are ass-kicking capable and super awesome?

World Prematurity Day

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In honor of World Prematurity Day, the Empire State building is Purple. I feel a special fondness for this… when I lived in Manhattan in college I lived basically across the street from the Empire State building. One night I came home, pretty drunk, at about 3AM (ahhh, college days) and my neighbor invited me into his apartment. He had a backyard off his ground floor apartment on 32nd street and from his yard you could look straight up and see the Empire State building. They must have been testing something on the lighting because they were flipping through the colors at a mile a minute, one after another after another- you honestly have no idea how many colors and combinations and shades of colors that building can change to. I don’t know what my neighbor was high on… life + an illegal substance, I’m sure, but the two of us, like fools, with our necks craned back, staring at this amazingly muchtastic light show in the sky, and saying profound stuff like “whoa. that’s cool.”
…knowing that they chose to make it purple for World Prematurity Day, whoa. That’s cool.

 

When Mom is Muchy…

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This weekend I had the opportunity to bring Molly and her cousin to see a musical rendition of Pinkalicious at the Bergen Performing Arts Center. It was packed solid with little girls in pink & sparkles and their moms… In khaki and beige.

The story was about Pinkalicious, obviously obsessed with pink and how, upon eating too many pink cupcakes, much to the horror and dismay of her uptight parents, she turns a glorious shade of pink. They bring her to the doctor and are informed that in the history of the world, there has only been one case of Pinkititis this severe. The horror!

The cure for Pinkititis? You must eat green foods. Duh. Pinkalicious doesn’t listen, and after an overdose of pink cupcakes, actually turns RED, which is completely unacceptable. She ultimately eats her greens and returns to her beautiful, natural human color. I know…. I could hear the phone ringing at the end of the show. I think it was Martin Scorsese.

But anyway…

As you know, I like to find the bigger Muchness Message in everything…

At the begining of the play, the mom was pretty uptight. Always bitching and moaning and cleaning and having very little patience with the kids. Looked a little like someone I used to know (minus the cleaning part… I never was really good at that). See her there on the left, in the purple? She looks quite worried, No?

The dad just followed her lead and the son was just kind of a lonely dork who didn’t want to play ball. But then, as the story unfolds, we learn that the DAD was, in fact, the only ever case of Pinkititis ever encountered!  After mom and dad both spoke their ultimate truth, that they LOVED PINK, well, the whole family dynamic improved! They all found their MUCHNESS in the color pink! The son even came down with a case of Pinkititis, and most excitedly, the mom got to wear a glorious, shiny pink dress with a hot pink feather boa! Pinkalicious’s friend came over, saw all the happiness and asked a question on so many youngsters minds… “This house is so fun! How come my house has to be so… beige?”

It’s important for me to note, in the spirit of sharing the story fully, that the other thing they discovered is that, when Pinkititis gets really severe, that’s actually the only color a person can see, and that kinda sucks. We like to see rainbows.

Final Synopsis: If you are a mom wondering how to brighten up your family life and enjoy your kids more, go get yourself a feather boa, an impractical, pretty colored dress and don’t worry so much about sweeping the damn floor every 15 minutes! 

The End.

Anniversary Muchness

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Today is my six year wedding anniversary!

I’ll be honest, last year passed without much fanfare. I don’t know why, especially since that was supposed to be our first “option to renew” anniversary.

…Quick background, historically, I’d never been a big believer in the idea of happily ever after with one person. It just seemed, I don’t know, conventional. Plus, almost no-one I knew in my family had proven it to be possible, at least not in the way I wanted to envision it. So, I decided Marriage should be a 5 year contract with an option for renewal at the end of 5 years. That way, you could try it out and if it wasn’t working, after 5 years, you could walk away, no harm, no foul.(Genius, right? I know.)  So last year, Elie joked that he was thinking he might not renew for another 5 years. I told him to STFU, we both laughed and I think I got a card. That’s cool, it’s how we roll. I was probably exhausted from burning the candle at both ends and the day just sorta came and went.

But today, I woke up in the mood to celebrate it. Maybe because I posted this pic on FB and it got like, a bajillion “likes” and that got me pumped.

That “after” was actually us just last night at a Bat Mizvah. Note to self- We both need haircuts.

On FB, I pointed out that Elie was wearing the same suit in both pictures and he said only 1% of people can fit into their wedding clothes after the wedding… So I got to thinking. The day after our wedding, We had a nice, leisurely  breakfast at the hotel of pancakes and eggs and my dress hasn’t fit me since. But, thanks to Elie and his obsession with all healthy foods, (Give that man a pile of beans and some bok choy and he’s happier than me in a bathtub of sequins…) it occurred to me I may actually be the size I was at our wedding.

So, I pulled out the dress.

And, I put it on.

And I zipped it up!

And then, after lamenting how my pre-baby nursing bust filled out the top so much nicer, I got psyched that it fit and remembered what a fun dress it was to wear and so I turned on our wedding song- yes, that’s right, our wedding song- and went bananas in the living room!

Posting this video here is a little self-indulgent. That being said, creating a blog about yourself is a little self-indulgent so why on earth and I getting sensitive about it now? Well, I really, honestly made this just to send Elie at work an make him laugh, but when I watched it back I realized how super muchtastic it is. I NEVER, EVER would have had the balls to make, let alone share, in any form, this nonsense before The Muchness. Fact is, I probably would have even rolled my eyes and wondered what the hell was wrong with a grown woman posting this online. Clearly she is just a lonely housewife craving attention, right? But here’s the thing! Having thoughts like that SUCK! Blech. Total Muchness Killers.

Anyway, I had so much fun making this and I don’t care about judgey people like me, pre-muchness, being all judgey. Those people need to get in touch with Their Much!

And for what it’s worth, I edited it down to like, 20 seconds. More than that, I just didn’t want to subject you to that. See? I care. You can thank me later…

[youtube_sc url=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wL_OdogisX4&feature=youtu.be”]

 

Have you pulled away from the outer edges of your body?

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A few months back I read an article in the local paper entitled “Can Yoga counteract the effects of a disability?” and something about the article compelled  me to rip it out and tape it to my wall, for further evaluation at a later date.

That date is here.

The writer is 40 year old Gene Myers and he discusses how he went to see Matthew Sanford, a successful yoga instructor who also happens to be a paraplegic. Our writer, Gene, has a disability which causes him to walk with a cane. Sanford, our teacher, subscribes to the idea that “One of the things that happens when we age is that we tend to pull away from the outer edges of our bodies.”

I’d never heard that before, but I liked it, and being obsessed with Muchness, I immediately started to see it in that context.

When I feel in touch with my Muchness, it’s like my spirit and energy is shooting out of the ends of my fingertips. But when I’m running on autopilot and making excuses for living less than than I know I’m capable of, it does feel like I’ve “pulled away from the outer edges of my body.” My spirit, my light, my confidence and belief in the possibilities of what I am capable of sorta shrivel into a little ball inside my gut.

He talks about how physically, this pulling away from our outer edges is a side effect of aging, and as far as The Muchness is concerned, on many levels I agree. As kids we’re less stressed and less concerned about what other people think, and we also often believe we are capable of ANYTHING. I know I thought I was. But as we age, so many of us somehow lose that blind confidence, that take-on-the-world attitude and we curl up in a ball inside ourselves.

To counteract the physical effects, Sanford teaches the yoga regiment of mindful or purposeful stretching.

To counteract the effects where Muchness is concerned, I recommend the mindful and purposeful action of taking stock of your MuchnessMoments. Capturing them with pictures and reminding yourself of all that you are capable of. Stretching your imagination and visualizing the things that fill you with Muchness- that which makes you feel whole and complete and happy – and them DOING MORE OF THOSE THINGS, will help fill your Muchness Bucket when it feels depleted, and help push you to the edge of your body.

What do you think of this analogy? Can you relate to that feeling… in a way I guess it’s like being empty inside, but not really, because deeper inside you KNOW there is a wealth of strength and beauty… just like you know your body is capable of more, even if you are, as in the case of Sanford, a paraplegic. Sometimes you just don’t know how to reach that deep, I guess.

 

The truth will set you free

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Of all the things I’ve learned about myself since launching this website, one of the biggest is that I can’t write about something when I’m not feeling it or practicing it myself. I can’t sit down at my computer and preach about Finding Your Muchness, following your inner voice and doing it loud and proud if I am not going to lead by example. And in the past year, there have been many times where I did not follow my inner voice. Where I did not have the confidence to make the choices that would make me feel good. Instead, I made choices out of fear. And I was feeling bad about it. And so, in those times, you might have heard crickets chirping when you came to visit this URL. As I sat on the couch, staring at the TV, wondering why I didn’t have the guts to share with you what was going on in my head, and at the same time, wondering what was really going on in my head.

Well, I figured it out.

I was spending my days doing something that didn’t ignite me. My day job was sucking the life out of me and I didn’t know how to fix it.

See, I’d been at my job for 8 years. It was a loungewear and pajama and sportswear company and I started with them when it was a tiny inkling of an idea for a company. I was one of 3 employees an I managed the entire product design and production process hand in hand with my boss. I learned a lot and got to make some awesome products that I was proud of. We grew quickly and within 5 years were selling $200,000,000 (yes- you read that right) worth of product. I hired and trained a team of designers and production people, and we introduced a bunch more product lines, bedding, blankets, housewares, even dog beds. I really, really put my heart into the company and was proud to watch it grow.

I was good at my job. Because I was passionate about it. And my job was good to me.

But then I lost the twins. And in the year that followed, I started to change. My priorities shifted, my heart grew. What ignited me before (knowing the right answer, being right, finding other peoples mistakes and making my products perfect) simply stopped igniting me. Simultaneously, changes in the market changed the dynamic of the office and the work I was required to do there. More managerial, less creative. And though I loved the managerial side, I was longing for a positive creative outlet and I wasn’t finding it there.

But this was my job. These were people I cared about and built a business with. This was my paycheck, my family’s health insurance. Clearly, I couldn’t just leave.

But day after day, things inside me just started making less sense. I’d come home upset, exhausted and unfulfilled. Elie would ask how my day was and I’d say “eh” and then plop in front of the TV and wonder how I could possibly write about Muchness when I was feeling like such a hypocrite. So I didn’t post. And that made me feel worse because I love connecting with you.

And then, last week, after a YEAR of sitting on the fence, I simply decided to quit. The 3 year anniversary of losing the girls was upon us and I felt like I was just not on the path I was meant to be on. Leaving my job was really the only answer to fixing what was wrong inside of me. I haven’t gotten another job, and, at least initially, I don’t intend to. I need some space to clear my brain. I want to take some time to SERIOUSLY declutter the crap that has filled my house up in the last two years. I’ve been thinking a lot about that… I think something about losing the girls flicked a switch that has made it hard to throw out some stuff I seriously do not need… or maybe it just accumulates faster than I have had the time to get rid of it.

Maybe I’ll eventually start looking for freelance design jobs- I’m highly skilled and very marketable in my field, but mostly, I just  want to put my focus here. On the Muchness. I feel that it is the direction I need to take to get me to the next right step on my life’s journey. I believe it is the path I was meant to be on and that if I pour my passion into it, and remember my initial goal of just helping people find their joy and heal, and maybe just bringing a smile to their (and my) face, the answers I need will reveal themselves to me.

My boss didn’t believe me when I said I was leaving. He asked how it’s possible I’d be stupid enough to leave my job without another one lined up. I replied… 

Get ready to be seeing a whole lot more of me online. I’m done holding in my truths. As soon as I made the decision, it was like the clouds parted and a muchy rainbow appeared. Creative ideas started happening again in my brain. Optimism, confidence and a knowledge of all that I am capable of came flooding back to me. Though I’m wearing jeans and sneakers today (and gold nail stickers) I’m still feeling a Muchness from the inside that I hadn’t felt in a very long time and I’m excited to see where it takes us!

I’d love to hear if you’ve made any significant changes in your life in the last few years, especially after a big life-changing event. I guess it makes sense that you’d make life-changes after a life-changing event, huh? How’d it turn out?

The first step in Muchness Finding

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It’s no secret that I {heart} Marie Forleo, but her video post today really rocked me on an emotional level. Marie talked about a book called Half The Sky, and the upcoming documentary based on the book. It is about the oppression of women and girls around the world- and it is shocking and heartbreaking.

Finding your Muchness is as much about creating moments of joy as it is about recognizing the beauty and joy that you already have. Watching this video allowed me to feel blessed— despite my losses, I have freedom and beauty and love and nobody owns me or my body or my daughters. These are gifts not afforded to all women and children.

“Fulfillment comes when you give something of yourself to something beyond yourself” – Marie Forleo

Please watch and share.

[youtube_sc url=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3sQCL_WJd4&feature=player_embedded#!”]