I was looking through old files to put together on my new portfolio site tovagold.com (coming soon!) and I found this picture I didn’t know existed of me pregnant with the twins at work. This must’ve been shortly before they died. I see so much rumbling below the surface when I look into this woman’s eyes… finding this today is ironic, considering the post I wrote yesterday. I’m wearing three shades of muddy green and nasty gray sneakers, and something is seriously wrong with my hairstyle. Total Muchlessness. I’m holding a bag full of binder clips. I used those to anchor clothing behind my models back when I was taking pictures to be used on the packaging for the apparel I had designed. The clips made the garments hang nicer, so I would have to spend less time photoshopping. This was the test shot to check the lighting. (Obviously not great lighting.) I remember this day. I was committed to getting those pictures. I cared. I remember that I sat on the floor to get the shot. My tummy was so heavy I asked the model for a hand getting up. And then I got down again. And up again, swinging around each leg, one at a time and pushing myself off the floor with my hands. I wasn’t more that 22 weeks along. How did no-one see what was about to happen?