Underneath it all, we’re more the same than different.

Losing my babies taught me to be honest. Going online and connecting with the hearts of other women in grief allowed me to see that underneath all the snap judgement and self-inflicted comparisonitis- so many of us are so much more the same than we are different.

People may fill their fb streams with beautiful pictures, inspiring quotes, and perfect looking realities, (I too am guilty- after all, i don’t post my non-muchnessmoments on fb,-and there are many) but life is far from picture perfect. And I know this.

Yet I still fall into that trap. I still forget that what I really want is to be real.

Last week I posted in a private women’s business fb group that I am contemplating taking a J.O.B because this online money making muchness gig, while I ❤❤❤ it, doesn’t exactly bring in the bacon. Gefilte Fish. This admission makes me feel like a failure because I believe this is my intended purpose and i have such a passion to help women find their way out of darkness. But I can’t seem to connect with that when I’m stressed about being able to pay my bills. That depletes me and steals my
Muchness so I have none to share. Here or in real life.

So many women in that business group are successful. So many intimidate the crap out of me from a business perspective. They just appear to have their shit all together, following their passion, living their dream…..And then they started replying to my post. And they started sending me private messages. And they were getting real. Yes, they may look like all that and a shiny bag of chips, but they are struggling. They are putting it all in the line. They are working their tails off and not making ends meet, putting all their faith in a dream, and scared shitless that it’s not gonna work.
And I realized I’d forgotten one of the most important lessons of what my daughters lives and deaths taught me. We’re all human. We all struggle. We all compare our insides to other people’s outsides.

Listen, we all have dreams. Whether those dreams are to be on the Ellen Show (my dream) or to be able to afford new shoes for our kids when they start the new school year, (my other dream) you are not alone. You aren’t the only one that is always comparing yourself and coming up short. The people you’re comparing yourself to are likely doing that same thing.

Lets take this week and make an effort not to compare. Not to assume. But simply to accept our own beautiful lives with gratitude and reality. We are here. We are taking in air. We are possible.

In the spirit of that, I’d like to share a picture of the filthy car where I sat and wrote this post, because when I go back to my home office I seem to easily lose focus because I’ve been feeling overwhelmed.

When people see my car and the mess inside, I feel shameful. Releasing that feeling here is scary, and I’m ready to feel vulnerable again. That place of vulnerability is the only place where growth happens….

What have you been hiding/feeling shameful or inflicting negative judgement on yourself about?
Share it here. Let others know they too are not alone.

Love & Muchness, Tova

11 Replies to “Underneath it all, we’re more the same than different.”

  1. Karen Yankovich

    I still have my day job, and work my TAIL off on my business. That will change, but when the time is right! Keep on keepin’ on Tova. And doesn’t EVERYONE that have kids have cars that looks like that???

    • Tova Gold Post author

      Probably Karen- except those who’s somehow don’t. When you open the door and shit falls out, it’s a problem. : I want to get a nice thorough car wash but that’s totally not where my money needs to be going…. Can’t wait till my kids are old enough to be forced to do that. hahahah

  2. Koren Barwis

    Thanks for posting and being so honest. I had to take a little break from the B-school FB page and all the forums because I too was getting overly intimidated by all these folks who seemed to have the sh*t together. Focus on what you love to do and it will come (I am talking to myself there too, because the biggest thing holding me back is my willingness to jump at a paycheck).

    • Tova Gold Post author

      I took a break but it still penetrates. I’ve gone through 2-3 rounds of unsubscribing from newsletters that make me feel that comparisonitis kick in— Even from people whose platform and message is entirely different than mine… the fact that theirs arrive like clockwork on the date and time they said it would makes me turn inward…. so unhelpful.
      After many days of contemplation I think there is strength in being willing to jump at a paycheck. Just the idea of reliable income makes me feel more creative because it will release my brain from the cycle of worry. Or maybe not. Maybe I should just pay attention to the few freelance gigs and stop looking for what’s wrong and start focussing on what’s right… 🙂 I still have no idea what I will do, but a trial day at the potential job will likely give me all the answers I need….

  3. Amandaa

    My dream is to be on the Ellen Show too!!! 🙂 Your blog and your attitude is so inspiring. I’m glad I came by. Found you on Bloggy Moms and am following now. Keep writing b/c I can’t wait to read more! 🙂
    Not sure if you do this kind of thing but if you want, you can join us for our first ever blog hop!~ 🙂 We’d love to have your support.


    Happy Monday! ~ Nice meeting you!
    <3 Amanda*

  4. Christie Halmick

    I’m looking forward to seeing you on the Ellen Show! Our car looks much the same and add a dog with a beard to the mix and there’s even more chaos. We’re not sure what we’d do with a new car. Here’s to muchness in all it’s forms: dirty cars, almost there business dreams, and Ellen!


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