Tonight I feel like I stepped in a big steaming pile of …. insecuriity.
Is it just me? Right when I feel like I’m getting myself together, my ideas are strong, my self-doubt, shelved and under control, something comes along to knock me over sideways. The worst part, it’s stuff that SHOULD be inspiring and empowering. I came across a beautifully designed website that is empowering and full of light and Muchness— helping people, putting good into the world… and what i wanted to do was send the founder an email and introduce myself and say “I think what you’re doing is great – I’d love to make a Muchness Band that supports your cause!” but instead I did what was easier and less muchtastic. I started comparing my site to hers. Hers is more polished. Hers is more organized. She’s accomplished so much more than I have. She must be more …something… than I am. Her traffic must be higher, she has so many ideas, her graphics are great, she’s following her dream, she’s accomplishing stuff, and I’m just taking pictures of my feet.
WHY DO WE DO THAT TO OURSELVES???
Ya know, I already recognize that routine within myself. Its happened before and I wish I didn’t do it. I find a site that leaves me inclined to compare. And I get up from my computer feeling ok and excited that I too am working on something meaningful and powerful and true to my heart and then 3 minutes later my belly is in knots and I’m telling Elie about the site I saw that was so good and now I have to change so-and-so or update something… and I know it’s just a form of self-sabotage and I’d be much more muchtastic and probably pleasantly surprised if I did just send the complimentary email that is sincere… but tonight, I didn’t.
I followed up my “whoa is me, I feel insecure” moment with a trip to Target to buy a bathing suit for our florida vacation.
If you are still reading this sob-story of pathetic self-doubt, let me leave you with one very, very important piece of advice. When you are already feeling kinda insecure and shitty, the ABSOLUTE worst idea is to haul your tired, bloated, pasty white ass into a fluorescent lit Target dressing room to try on ill-fitting bathing suits. Seriously.
After that, even the sequin covered picture frames left me feeling pouty and too depressed to take a picture of them. I got nothin’. Nothing colorful and eye catching to accompany this post. So here’s Florida. Yay for vacation!!
Anyway, please make me feel a little less lame about feeling so insecure. It’s not just me, right?
…Uch… I’m even feeling insecure about hitting “publish” on this pathetic confessional.
Girl! I bailed on a workout this week, breaking my promise to myself because I was worried about weighing in for the end of our 6 week challenge. Because I felt fat and bloated and unworthy and I caved into my own bad press. I didnt even stop to think about having lost 15 lbs, just folded and gave up….And this is the first time I admitted it out loud.
You have a beautiful, young and evolving website you deserve to be proud of. When you look at those other sites, be grateful for the opportunity to learn from them and improve on their ideas….hold your head and website high! Send that email. Now.
Xoxo
It’s not too late!
I do the same thing, look at other websites, other authors, other people and wonder why I’m not able to do the same or better than they are. When I think about it though I probably am in many respects. I also haven’t seen all the times they’ve asked the same on their way up. Heck – I look at you and envy your ability to get people together, to rally around a cause.
Send the email now – and keep moving forward.
Enjoy your trip and let’s try to get together when you get back. Julie and I would love to hang out a bit!
Hey Tova,
We all compare ourselves to others, its human nature. To totally get your view on bathing suits in poor lighting (or super bright). I am happy to say that this year I decided that I did NOT care what others thought about me – so what here i am at 4’10” and 140 (approx) lbs, but I have lost 30lbs this year, so I am finally getting a 2 piece. I have never worn one before. I mean NEVER, not once in 33 years.
And I just want to say that from the pictures that I have seen of you, you are a bombshell. And this site is Muchtastic.
The problem with comparing is then you are wishing you are something that you are not. Your idea is the MUCHNESS! No one else in the world has this exact and wonderful concept! Keep being yourself! And, keep focusing on the MUCHNESS! Partnering with like-minded groups is one thing. But, you are you. And, the MUCHNESS is the MUCHNESS and it’s incredible.
The other sites aren’t good or bad, better or worse…..they just are what they are…and the MUCHNESS is what it is!
And, that’s what we love about it!
Just keep remembering that! And enjoy your vacation. Great ideas always come from relaxing and vacationing!
Tova, you are amazing. That is all!
Thank guys for your reassurances and comments.
I had a moment in the airport today which put it into perspective for me and made me realize how dumb I was being and how easy it is to get insecure. Our whole time away, everywhere we went, people were complimenting Liat- she’s a sweety with a really happy disposition and I felt great knowing that she brought so many people smiles. In the airport, we were waiting for our flight when another flight arrived. Off that flight walked a gorgeous couple with 13 month old twin girls. (non-identical) They stopped right by us to open their complicated double stroller and collect their stuff and Liat was calling “baby” and waving at them. The mom was thin and beautiful and the dad was hot and the girls were adorable and suddenly I felt insecure about my own beautiful family. It was such a DUMB feeling though, such a blatantly unworthy emotion and so exactly the opposite of how I’d felt 6 seconds before this couple stopped in front of us and so I said to myself “Tova- stop being a dumbass” and then I realized that is exactly what I’d doing here in this post. Being a dumbass. That’s it. The end. This is what I will remember next time I feel insecure. It’s an unworthy emotion. Ill put THAT in a muchness band!