So- I have been soooo crazed lately that I havent even had time to read and comment on the most recent challenge posts! OR, post my own!!!! Between prepping for Monday’s Muchness Moment (check your email!) and getting ready launch my new site (Sneak peek—- http://www.findingYOURmuchness.com ) and working round the clock to drum up PR and, oh yeah, working and being a mom and wife AND watching Americas Got Talent…. ya know, lets just say, I’m not bored.
SOOOOO- before the weekend rolls into town, meet Our newest Challenger, LYNETTE!!!!
Lynette was actually our VERY FIRST Reader Submission Post!!! and now, it’s a 30 day commitment! I already know she likes groovy shoes and muchy sparkles…. I wanna know what other joy and Muchness she has up her sleeve!!
So, here she is! Meet Lynette!!!
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So wow, today is THE day! I’m going to start the challenge!
I was kind of hesitant about taking this trip.
“Can I really do this? Can I really find something ‘Muchy’ in MY life for 30 consecutive days in a row?” Hmmm…Well, yes, I can! And I will J
This is the story about how I got here.
Here, on this train ride to the land of Muchville….
I’m 38 years young & married to my love, Rich. We have a beautiful three-year-old son, Chaeton.
Sadly, we lost the six month pregnancy of Chaeton’s brothers, our precious identical baby boys, on October 14
th, 2010.
Life sure is unpredictable. One year ago I was wondering how I was going to do it all. I imagined struggling with two car seats and my toddler. How do I feed 2 (not just one!!) baby at the same time?
Oh, time to get a bigger car! Gee, daycare prices are going to be enormous with three kids. I work full time, do I quit my job and stay home with the babies?!
You know, normal stuff for a mother who just found out she’s having twins. But it was also very exciting! I was thrilled at the idea of having a big happy family to love. I would be the queen in a house of boys. I was going to literally be surrounded by babies and giggles.
Well that isn’t how it all worked out. And here we are.
I had gone for my check up on Wednesday, October 6th, and by that Saturday my world had begun crashing around me. I woke bleeding, and feeling pain.
I went to the hospital expecting a quickie exam and to be sent home.
Little did I know…
I was so scared and it was all sort of confusing. I was a little in shock, and could not even begin to comprehend the severity of what was happening around me.
Didn’t I just go to the doctor three days earlier with nothing major coming from that visit, except that I had “A whole lotta fluid, and a whole lotta baby” inside of me?
Now I know that the “Whole lotta fluid” was a sign. A sign of TTTS (Twin-To-Twin-Transfusion-Syndrome). By Sunday I was diagnosed with stage 2 of the horrible disease. Then I was told that if my babies survived, they would be miracles.
They were born sleeping four days later.
I pretty much was a walking zombie for the next couple of months. To be honest I still have those days. Way too often. Which is why I’m here.
When I came home from the hospital, I was lost, drowning in this pain, a literal void in my belly. Put on a happy face, tell a joke, just try to convince the people in your life that you’re doing better.
But I wasn’t. I had stopped eating right, I wasn’t sleeping, and I wasn’t taking care of me. I was just getting by.
Weeks pass, months pass. Everyone around you seems to forget that you were even pregnant. Well, I was, and my boys are gone, and I am forever changed. It’s still hard to see a pregnant woman, even harder to see twins.
I needed to reach out.
I found Tova when she welcomed me into an online TTTS grief support group. I am thankful to have found this group of women who understand EXACTLY what I have gone through.
One day I saw a link she posted to her ‘Finding my Muchness’ site. I had never seen anything like it! I sat there for hours reading about her journey, and crying along the way.
And here I am.
It’s a big step. I am now being held accountable for seeking out Muchness in my life again! A little scary. Ahhh!!!
When you have gone to such a dark place, where you have hurt so bad, it’s much easier to just stay there in your tunnel.
Well… I can see a light, just having some trouble getting to it.
I never take time for Lynette. Rush, Rush, Rush. I do in fact have way too much going on in my life, but who doesn’t? It’s time to take care of me. Time to find some joy in my everyday.
Big. Or small.
So here we go…
I wonder where this will take me??!!
At the very least, I will be so proud of myself for having found a little piece of good in everyday! 😀
Below is a picture taken at my office.
A little peek at my life…
*Rich and I in Hawaii back in ’05. Gosh we look so damn happy J (& younger-darnit!!) I want, & WILL, be this happy again!!
*My baby, that is not so much a baby anymore. Taken when he was just 3 months old.
*My Easy button. Every office should have one. (If only it was a easy as pushing a button :-/ )
*And my coffee mug. I have had it for longer than I can remember. Check out that big ‘ol happy peace sign with it’s positive Muchy message!
