Tova’s Blog

Hannah Found Her Muchness!

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Last Night on The Biggest Loser, Hanna found her Muchness!!!

So, in case you’ve not been keeping up with the show, Hanna and Olivia are sisters who started off fat and in typical Biggest Loser fashion, are now not fat. Inspired. She’s got a big mouth and she talks a lot and a lot of what she says is funny.
So, last night her team won a challenge and their prize was a night on the town, Hollywood style. So she got all dolled up to go out and they interviewed her.
Now, the last time this girl saw the light of day she was 80 POUNDS HEAVIER. Now, she is a hottie. and clearly she feels like one. So, what does Miss Hannah decide to wear? These:

Hello Shoes!!

Sequins!!! Heels!!!

GO MUCHNESS GIRL!!!! Hannah is In Touch With The Much!!!
I am a dork that does not know how to use the internet properly. But I do know how to use my phone. So I recorded Hannah talking about her Muchness, and how she’s flaunting it. If only she knew the word… there really is no other better word to describe it…

You can see the video here: (poor audio)

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But just a few prized snippets:
“Check it out- these heels are almost as big as my face, ok?”
“see all this magic, all this gorgeous leather craftsmanship, This spiked heel… these are some serious shoes…”
“Mom, I’ve never been so proud in my life, I’m not lying.”

This scene made me happy for hannah. I think she should bedazzle her Biggest Loser t-shirt and cover her weights with sequins.
…actually, maybe if I did that I’d actually be inclined to use weights….

***note to self: Buy sequins. Buy weights. Buy Glue. Mix and Use.

Contemplating the Muchness

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Ever since Saturday night I’ve been thinking a lot about this Muchness kick I’m on. I knew that having the guts to wear that outfit meant I’d reached a new level in my healing but a friend posted some pics on facebook from the party and looking at them really impacted me.

After we lost the twins I often found myself looking into the mirror and wondering who was looking back at me. The sorrowful, aging eyes, the pale, pasty skin… Grief takes so much out of you, emotionally and physically. And even as time passed, even when Liat was born, I could always see right past the happiness. When I looked into my own eyes, in the mirror, in photographs, no matter how big and true my smile, I could easily see the sorrow.

Part of the reason for my sadness was knowing I now have the burden of having to carry this sadness. I’d look at old photos of me- from my wedding, being out with friends, Mollys birth and see a spirit and energy in that girl’s eyes that does not belong to the new me. I envied her. She had vibrancy, humor, unbridled optimism. But I can’t be her. I can only be me.

When I started my 30 Days of Muchness it was really on a lark. I thought it would be fun and cute for people to see. I never dreamed it would have the transformative, healing effect it did. Somehow, forcing myself to see the sparkle helped me find the light. It changed my perspective. Helped me put back on my rose tinted glasses.

I had a good time Saturday night. I didn’t drink and I didn’t stay out too late. But I looked at these pictures and see, for the first time in a long time, a hint of that girl I was before. Maybe it is, in part, the outfit. That is an emsemble a girl would wear- not the woman I now know myself to be. But I think its more than that. I think its knowing I’ve hit a comfort level in the grieving process that escaped me until now. I look at those pictures and the grief isn’t as apparent in my eyes as I am used to seeing it. And for that I credit Sunshine & Daisy. Although I never would be on this journey if I’d not had them, I know that they are also the reason I am finding my peace.

Easy Peasy Picture Project

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Exhibit A:
Family pics taped near mollys bed.

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Exhibit B:
Molly in her Dora Snuggie, home sick from school and bored.

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Exhibit C:
Scrapbooking clips from the dollar store (24 for a buck!)

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Exhibit D:
Molly strings them on a string from some other toy.

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Exhibit E:
Clips are tied to the rope ends and mounted to the wall with removable command strips.

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Exhibit F:
Gallery wall!

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Muchness pic of the day

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Ok. I know this picture doesn’t look like much but this piece of paper has my heart thumping like the background beats of a Vanilla Ice song. Why? This arrived in the mail. It is a delivery receipt for two chairs that David Bromstad ordered for our Color Splash living room makeover in two weeks. It is taking everything in my will not to hop on their website and see what they look like. Especially because it looks like they are WHITE!!! First of all, HELLO!? COLOR Splash? And he orders white?? White??? Second of all, What about white leather chairs says KID-FRIENDLY????
I’m gonna reserve judgement for now. Maybe he plans to artfully scribble all over them with colorful sharpies so when the kids do it it just sorta blends in?
Breathe Tova, breathe.

Teeze. Really? Teeze? Ha. That’s Funny.

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Once upon a place, in a time called “My 20’s”  I started a handbag company. Actually, it started as a custom pants company. Custom Leather and Vinyl Pants. And They Were HOT. It was the late 90’s. Trust me. They were hot. Especially in overcrowded nightclubs. I even made a pair for for this guy:

Paul's my friend. He's also Debbie Harry's Friend. She is so cool. And he's pretty hot.

Paul's my friend. He's also Debbie Harry's Friend. She is so cool. And he's pretty hot.

Anyhoooo, I named my company Teeze. Why Teeze? Well, some  of my friends called me T. And the company was mine. T’s. Belonging to me. Get it? …and then I just spelled it cute.

It wasn’t long before I realized that I don’t wanna be all-up in people ‘business’ fitting them for custom pants, so I decided to focus my efforts on handbags. So Teeze Custom Pants became Teeze Accessories & Stuff, Inc. (I added the “Stuff” so I wouldnt pigeonhole myself. Always thinking ahead…)

And ya know what? I was pretty successful for a one woman army. My bags were manufactured in New York and overseas in China, and I sold them all over the world. You can read a bit about it here. (I wish the online version showed the pic that ran in the print addition. Gosh, I looked cute)

But then, after about 6 or 7 years, I decided to let my company be “adopted” by a large handbag company that were gonna help me grow. But, turns out, they were run by a real dumbass and they pretty much screwed me over by default. It was right around that time I met the current Mr. Gold and decided to focus on me instead of my bags.

I got a job, got married, got pregnant, got a house, put all my leftover bags in the basement of said house, and pretty much settled into this new phase of my life.

Until now. Until I got struck by The Muchness bug. Now, I feel like I felt when I was 19 and thought I could change the world with a pair of pants or a handbag.

And then today, I was randomly trolling the internet for sequined shoes (that kind of search can take you to some kooky websites!) and came upon these. I love these shoes.

Those sequins are two sided- changing colors of they’re angled up or angled down! I get it. I can see that these shoes are all kinds of tacky, but I don’t care.  They make me smile, and, with the buckle, closed toe and super high front platform- look like they’d be (relatively) comfortable and (relatively) versatile. But the thing that put me over the top and made me wanna write this post?

THEY ARE NAMED TEEZE!!!

oy. I can’t. No really. Check it out. That’s their name.

Maybe it’s a sign.