Category: INSPIRATION

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Two days ago after posting about how I was going to try and stay present and grateful and real I came across this video on my friends newsfeed. Just listening to it calmed the voices in my head, and the last two days have felt a lot more serene and less stressful than the days before.

The fact is, on this roller coaster train of Muchness seeking I feel like I am in a cycle of dips and highs and I am responding in the exact opposite way as I know I’m supposed to- I’m being the anti-muchness- looking at all the things that aren’t working, that are stressing me out, that are less than ideal.

Blech.

This video – even in all it’s woo-woo calmness – has helped me remember to slow down, focus on one thing at a time, and pay attention to my present moment. (Because really, the present is the only place you are gonna see your Muchness Moments anyway)

Today I looked down and realized that I am wearing the blue jeans the absolutely DEFINE my lacking Muchness period of my life. That kinda upset me.

I like to think that to a casual observer they are just cute distressed jeans but in reality I know better.

I bought them at a time when I was unhappy with my body. They were the only jeans that fit over my tush nicely. (They are designed to fit “curvy” girls)

I wore them to death, until there were literally holes in the inner thighs and crotch.

So I patched them. I told myself it was cute but in my heart I knew I didn’t mean it. Wearing them made me feel disgusting.

So I eventually bought a new, identical pair.

And I wore those until there were holes in the inner thighs and crotch. So I patched those. I again told myself it was cute but I knew I didn’t mean it. Externally I cursed the manufacturer for making such well fitting and expensive jeans in such crappy material. 

And every time I wore those jeans I felt like crap. Even though they still looked pretty cute on my tush. Except where the patches were.

And when I began my journey to find my Muchness I put them away and said “never again”… I will keep these as a reminder of where I never want to be again.

And I’m wearing them today.

Why?

I don’t know. Something about the old familiarity of them was calling to me. I noticed today that the patch on the hole on the crotch has developed it’s own hole. Air conditioning.

A family of 4 could crawl through the hole in the knee and have a picnic on my thigh.

And I won’t even mention that my combat boots look like they’ve been to a war zone.

It’s spring. It’s time to make a change.

I think it might be Muchness Hunting Season.

I’m on a really tight budget these days.

Muchness might mean DIY and Creative problem solving.

What is must mean is reconnecting and being present.

And sequins. Color. Smiles and optimism.

Maybe I’ll start by giving these damn jeans a Muchy Makeover. After all, they do still make my tush look nice….

Losing my babies taught me to be honest. Going online and connecting with the hearts of other women in grief allowed me to see that underneath all the snap judgement and self-inflicted comparisonitis- so many of us are so much more the same than we are different.

People may fill their fb streams with beautiful pictures, inspiring quotes, and perfect looking realities, (I too am guilty- after all, i don’t post my non-muchnessmoments on fb,-and there are many) but life is far from picture perfect. And I know this.

Yet I still fall into that trap. I still forget that what I really want is to be real.

Last week I posted in a private women’s business fb group that I am contemplating taking a J.O.B because this online money making muchness gig, while I ❤❤❤ it, doesn’t exactly bring in the bacon. Gefilte Fish. This admission makes me feel like a failure because I believe this is my intended purpose and i have such a passion to help women find their way out of darkness. But I can’t seem to connect with that when I’m stressed about being able to pay my bills. That depletes me and steals my
Muchness so I have none to share. Here or in real life.

So many women in that business group are successful. So many intimidate the crap out of me from a business perspective. They just appear to have their shit all together, following their passion, living their dream…..And then they started replying to my post. And they started sending me private messages. And they were getting real. Yes, they may look like all that and a shiny bag of chips, but they are struggling. They are putting it all in the line. They are working their tails off and not making ends meet, putting all their faith in a dream, and scared shitless that it’s not gonna work.
And I realized I’d forgotten one of the most important lessons of what my daughters lives and deaths taught me. We’re all human. We all struggle. We all compare our insides to other people’s outsides.

Listen, we all have dreams. Whether those dreams are to be on the Ellen Show (my dream) or to be able to afford new shoes for our kids when they start the new school year, (my other dream) you are not alone. You aren’t the only one that is always comparing yourself and coming up short. The people you’re comparing yourself to are likely doing that same thing.

Lets take this week and make an effort not to compare. Not to assume. But simply to accept our own beautiful lives with gratitude and reality. We are here. We are taking in air. We are possible.

In the spirit of that, I’d like to share a picture of the filthy car where I sat and wrote this post, because when I go back to my home office I seem to easily lose focus because I’ve been feeling overwhelmed.

When people see my car and the mess inside, I feel shameful. Releasing that feeling here is scary, and I’m ready to feel vulnerable again. That place of vulnerability is the only place where growth happens….

What have you been hiding/feeling shameful or inflicting negative judgement on yourself about?
Share it here. Let others know they too are not alone.

“I love it, but it’s not me.”

How many women have said this to me in the past few years? I can’t even tell you. “I love sequins, I could never wear them.” or “I love bright colors, but only wear black.”

Hearing women say this upsets me… probably disproportionately so.

I really, truly, don’t understand. If you love it, why is it “not you?” If it makes you happy, who says you “can’t” wear it?
And back to that first one, if you love something, if it lights you up and makes you squeal with delight, isn’t it then the very DEFINITION of you?

Aren’t the things that we love, the things we are drawn to are, in essence, a very clear reflection of what’s in our heart and souls?

Now, I get that there are certain times in life when you want to be perceived to be a certain way, where certain wardrobe choices are more ‘logical’ than others. Fine. Don’t wear sequins on a job interview.

But the idea that one would entirely dismiss something they claim they love on the presumption that it’s “Not them”… it’s just completely illogical! Honestly, it hurts my heart. I know I sound dramatic, but it’s true. I am dramatic. So sue me. And also, I mean it. It hurts my heart.

In the bigger picture, how can someone possibly be honoring themselves, their identity, their passions, their inner voice and strengths, when they aren’t even honoring their desire to paint their toenails purple? When they are purposely (though perhaps subconciously) selecting clothing that basically blends them in with the furniture? (Or selecting furniture that blends in with the walls….) How can they allow themselves to be seen or heard when they don’t even respond to their own voice about what they love?

They say color and sparkle is “not them”. Here’s a new perspective: Maybe, what’s “not them” is the toned down, subdued, beige and neutral version of themselves that they are making the choice to present to the world. Maybe, by consistently selecting “appropriate” choices instead of “enjoyable” choices, they are just squashing their own unique voices even more.

Maybe, what I’m talking about is more than just sequined, sparkly clothing and colorful shoes. Maybe the point is that as women, we are constantly defining ourselves not by our own bold-faced passions but through a filter of everyone else’s judgemental eyes. We make decisions as personal as what we wear, what music we listen to, what we cook, what we read and what TV show marathons we watch not based on what we love, enjoy or are drawn to, but rather, based on the box we stick ourselves into so we match another person’s ability to understand at a moments glance “who we are.”

Or, worse, maybe it’s to help us understand who we are.

That is a recipe for complete and utter loss of Muchness.

I want you to go out -or go in- in your heart, in your mind, in your local mall, I don’t care- and look around … pay attention to what YOU love, what stirs your insides, lights YOU up and don’t shy away from it. Don’t deny it or categorize it or judge it. Just embrace, accept and be proud that in this moment, nothing on earth would make you happier than a pair of Star Trek Footsie Pajamas.

Last week I had lunch with a new friend, a woman who mostly knows me through my online persona. She sees my happy, colorful Facebook posts, my colorful shoes, and how I appear all bright eyed and bushy tailed in the blue tutu dress on the pages of this website and my newsletters.

She looked at me at the opening of our conversation and said:

“I really want to know, how do you stay inspired?”

and I stared at her like a deer in headlights. I had no idea how to answer that question. We sat in that sushi restaurant for two+ hours talking about all types of things in our lives, in our journeys to find ourselves, our purpose, our joys and challenges.

As soon as we parted ways I started thinking about that questions “How do I stay inspired?” and I knew the answer immediately.

I don’t.

I don’t stay inspired. What I do, (or try to do) is keep creating reasons to be inspired. It’s sort of a habit, at this point, that started with my 30 Day Muchness Challenge 2 years ago. However, like any habit that is technically good for us but hard to maintain, it comes and goes in stages, just like eating healthy, working out or, um, religiously flossing on a regular basis (TMI?)

I’ve blogged before when I have been through stages where I felt completely uninspired, where I feel like a Muchness fraud, where I am not proactively walking my walk. It usually goes hand in hand with a lack of blog posts because when I am not walking my walk I have a hard time talking my talk.

What I realized, – the “secret” and what I want you to know is that “staying inspired”, or connected, or mindful, or happy is that it’s not about an aha moment and suddenly stepping onto a new, solid foundation of inspiration, mindfulness, connectedness or happiness. It is about recognizing those tiny moments in your day that support those feelings, and then stringing them together + creating more of them to fill the gaps. It’s a choice, in every moment, to turn that moment into a Muchness Moment, and you have the power to make it.

That’s really the thought process that went into the creation of the 30 Day Deck. By providing a prompt to a feeling you want to capture, it helps you recognise those fleeting moments and  string them together to create a platform upon which to stay inspired. (or mindful, or connected or happy.) And by choosing to do it EVERY DAY for for 30 days in a row, you’ll create forward momentum that’ll keep you going well beyond the day that last card gets filled out and put into the jar.

A few months back I came across Alana Sheeren. A baby loss mom who found her strength in her loss, she shares the message that grief can be transformational. She’s even given a TED talk. “I believe there are gifts in the darkest moments and that we are all deserving of joy. I believe in accepting our ugly bits, our angry parts and our own lack of grace. I believe in the beauty of the human spirit. I believe that as each of us steps more fully into our own power, and lives in greater alignment with our deepest desires, we open the door to the empowerment of others.”

Then she went and turned the tables, asking me to be a subject of her weekly interview series “Transformation Talk”

Today our conversation was posted on her site.

Alana had a way of drawing out my story in ways and detail I’ve never shared before. I talked about how I started losing my Muchness in the first place, and what the work I do really means to me. I also shared two unusual facts about me that really define who I believe I am in this world and why I do what I do. I know so many of you will be able to relate…

It’s our unedited conversation – 32 minutes, so put it on in the background while you work…

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