Sharing Muchness

Todays Muchness is kinda a reader submission, but it’s also kinda a Pic of the day. And ya know, it’s also kinda just a post. Because I’ve been sorta MIA in that department lately. I feel like I should wait for inspiration to strike before I write, and sometimes that takes a few days. (which is in contrast to the 30 Day Challengers who have to push to write daily, forcing the inspiration to strike… hmmm, something to ponder…. but anyway….)

So, yesterday was a great day. A monumental day for me, in fact. In part, thanks to April. But I’ll get to that in my next post. The deeper one.

This post is about the text message I received in the middle of my day from my new friend and 3 block away neighbor, Michelle.

So, whats so muchy about this? Let me tell you.

She sent me a pic of a sequin tank top and wrote MUCHNESS!
That, is obviously, the most obviously Muchy thing about this post. But wait. There’s more…

I have a new friend and 3 block away neighbor!! And she is Muchy!!! And she introduced me to another friend in our town who is also In Touch with the Much! And they know other women that they claim are also like-minded and I am excited to meet them too!
It is quite a Muchy achievement when you live in the sorta Suburbs to make new friends as an adult. Especially random ones that are like-minded. That’s hot.

Once I started thinking about it, I realized I’ve also made other new real life friends. Among them a groovy little art gallery opened in our town named BLAST. It is SO OUT OF PLACE that it is just inspiring. So, I walked on in and introduced myself to the owners, an awesome, artsy couple living among the suburbanites next door. More new friends!

I think what I’ve realized is that the relationships I’ve been able to form with my online friends- the connecting with different types of people whom I’ve never seen in person, on a deeper, truer level online has translated into me being able to connect with people better offline.

We all walk around wearing our masks and our costumes, and we judge people based on theirs.

BTM (Before The Muchness) I walked around in jeans and sneakers and t-shirts. I gave nobody any ammo with which to make a snap-judgement about me. But mostly I was just making myself invisible. I guess that’s because I was worried about what those snap judgements might be.

It’s hard to remember that we see things not as they are but as we are.

I was making snap judgements about others because I had forgotten how to connect with people. I was categorizing people in my mind because I couldn’t remember a better way to get to know them. And though those snap judgements were often (not always) complementary to them; “oh- they are cool / cultured / intellectual / successful”, it was working against me. Big time.

Now, I dress MUCHY. I present myself in a way that I know might invite snap judgements- both good and bad, depending on your personal taste and opinion. But now I remember how people are inside. I’m not as quick to judge them on the superficial. I’m not as scared to say something to them that reaches below the surface of who they are. Because that’s where their humanity is. And I’m not afraid to not be invisible. Judge me all you want. I know from personal experience that THAT is about you, not me.

… Funny. I write this as though it’s something I’m just learning but it’s not. I knew this in college when I dressed weird, even by art school standards. And my friends – and their hair- were every color of the rainbow and from all walks of life and I liked it that way.

Sometimes though, we just forget what we know and have to relearn it. I relearned it with the help of my online friends. I imagine that many of them, would we have met before, we’d likely assume we had nothing in common. And maybe we wouldn’t have. But now they understand parts of me better than members of my own family. And while they may live around the country or across the world, I think it’s very Muchy that their effect translates into new friends that I can connect with, around the corner or across the street.


Love & Muchness, Tova

4 Replies to “Sharing Muchness”

  1. JenM Post author

    It’s amazing how many times I have to learn something before I *know* it. It takes one second to have a negative thought or emotion, and years and years before I can truly believe that it isn’t reality. Reality is what I make of it.

    This experience is like a tall, cold drink of water after a long thirsty day.

  2. Tine Post author

    Fab-U-LOUSNESS! The picture AND the post!
    I totally agree…this challenge has forced me to look at how I think of myself and project that to other people….not fair to either of us. And my online friends, love them! Would love to meet you/them someday 🙂 You/they are a huge part of me becoming a better person, to myself AND others.

    P/S: Funny the name on your contact: Michelle Neighbor…hehehehe

  3. Michelle

    That’s me Michelle Neighbor-lol:)
    I’m the person that believes things happen for a reason and now I look back and think about how the road by my house was closed and I had to walk to a different bus stop all in time to find Ms. Muchness!! I saw you waving bye with such enthusiasm to your little girls in the back seat as they dropped you off and thought, “wow there’s a mom like me, I do the same thing” and for some reason I blurted that out to you. After I got to work I sent my husband a text, ” I picked up a cool mom at the bus stop and I hope she comes to the mommy n me playgroup!” lol
    I lost the muchness and didn’t quite realize it…now I’m looking for it too:)

    • Tova Post author

      hahaha! Too funny. I also texted Elie- “I met a cool mom at the bus stop and we have a playdate on Friday. You will have to pick us up. I will be drinking. yay!”
      … I think when we’ve lost our Muchness we kinda know it, but when you don’t know the word for it, it’s just so hard to pinpoint what it is that’s lost. But once you learn the word Muchness, you can identify the problem. Then you’re halfway there!


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