So, the morning after posting about My Panic Attacks, I was fired. (I don’t know why I wrote that in Title Case- as though it is the name of a memoir I’m not writing -it isn’t- but I guess in my head it warrants The Importance Of Title Case. So I’m leaving it.
Anyhooo, I’ve never, ever been fired before. Except once, when I refused to wear the horrible gray trucker cap at my high school job flipping kosher burgers. But I just came in the next day anyway and lo & behold, still had my job….
…I’m really in a tangent kinda mood today, I guess.
Let’s try again.
I’ve never really been fired. I’m not even sure this could count, since technically, I totally planned to quit that day. In fact, on the way up to my cubicle I saw one of the three people there who (I know of that) know about my alter ego as The Queen Of Muchness, (Title case entirely intentional) and I said to him “I’m quitting today.” and he said “Really?” and I said “Yeah, I can’t take it anymore.” and then he grabbed my ankle and begged and pleaded for me to stay because that place is so damn gray….
…Except that last part totally didn’t happen.
I just said I couldn’t take it anymore and headed up the staircase to my cubicle hell.
I got there and my boss popped her head in and asked if she could speak to me, and though I’ve never been fired, I knew that tone, because I’ve used it before when firing people. Except I’ve never actually fired peopl
e because the people I’ve always hired have been awesome. Except once, but then I was too chicken shit to fire her myself so my boss did it on my day off. But in my head I’ve had that conversation plenty of times about firing people I didn’t hire, so when I heard it out loud I knew what it meant.
So I followed her from my cubicle into a cubicle 2 feet away from my cubicle with a round table instead of a desk and she said “I don’t think it’s working out.” and I said “Oh my gawd, I totally agree.”
Though I said it very loudly, I don’t think her brain let her hear me because she started telling me about the mistakes I’d made, so I agreed with her and told her that the work I’d been doing for the last 2 weeks was work I’d been teaching or delegating for the last 8 years and being forced to do this stuff left me wanting to bang my head against the wall the whole time I was doing it. I believe my exact words were “between you and me, I was totally hating every fucking minute of it.” and then I laughed, because hearing yourself blurt out stuff like that is funny.
(Random pic of me doing my version of banging my head against the wall.)
So anyway, she asked for my prison-swipe-card back and I said goodbye to my glittery designed cubicle, thanked her and asked her for a hug (and I really meant it!) and went down to say goodbye to my lunch buddies who were the only thing that kept me semi-sane in my few short months at this job. They all cried huge, bitter tears to learn I wouldn’t be gracing the halls with my Muchness and I told them to keep the faith. The Muchness lives inside them and would one-day see the light of day again.
Once again, I’ve embellished for the sake of tangent story telling. There were no tears. But other than that, the rest is all (approximately 75%) true.
(I like embellishment. Ya think? 🙂
Ya know what’s pathetic? This post is already too long and I haven’t even started to get to the point, but I am SO ENJOYING writing it!
So, I’m debating if I just leave this post as is, my embellished yet entertaining “Hey Folks- I was fired!” blog post or, if I go on to get to the initial point. The message. The WHY DID I STAY AT THAT HELLISH JOB insight. That’s supposed to be the part where maybe you can glean some amount of inspiration that will help you in your journey to find your Muchness.
Peh- screw it.
I’m gonna write the other part but not post it till tomorrow. Give you something to look forward to on your first monday of the summer.
For now, I am just going to say Goodbye to the greyest place on Earth. You have taught me the lessons I needed to find you to learn.
Ok, so I TOTALLY have been in that place, Tova. I spent an entire year at a job that I hated, and tried desperately to ‘make it work’ – but eventually I got “let go” because the truth is that my utter unhappiness with the place made it IMPOSSIBLE for me to do my job. I knew that I was meant to do greater things, that do NOT involve sitting behind a desk and taking orders from someone else (not that there’s anything wrong with that – just not my cup of tea).
There is a freedom in KNOWING that we have a higher calling and purpose. I see that for you, girl! Keep doing you, boo! ♥
Thank You Farah! Yeah, that place served a purpose for me and I needed to be there when I was there. Now I know I need to be here….
Once you discover your Muchness, there’s no going back! 🙂