Author: Tova

Want to find your Muchness? Look into the past.

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In 8th grade we were given an assignment to write a hebrew poem for our yearbook.

A bit of backstory… As a student, I was not what you’d call a success. It was the 80’s and schools taught very one-dimensionally. If you didn’t learn in the fashion that they taught, you were dismissed as dumb. In my case, it was the “not living up to my potential” tagline that followed me around, year to year, like a plague. But that’s just 1989 teacher talk for “I get that she’s dumb, but she can’t possibly be that dumb.”

Did I mention my older sister is an MD and a Phd – and a pediatric cardiologist to boot. Yeah. So, she learned the way the schools wanted us to learn. From books and by listening to the teacher and completing homework and studying very, very hard. That was a bunch of stuff I wasn’t really good at. So, by comparison, to the untrained eye, I suppose I did appear that dumb.

Anyway, back to the point.

We had to write a poem. So I sat with my mom and talked through what I wanted my poem to be about and then she helped me translate it into hebrew. I submitted my poem, perhaps the only homework assignment I completed that year that made me feel accomplished… or at least not dumb.

I was informed a few days later that the teachers and yearbook editorial staff concluded I could not have written the poem- it was too good for a dummy like me and it would therefore not be printed in the yearbook. If memory serves, I believe it was suggested by a classmate that perhaps my sister wrote it. If that classmate is a FB friend who happens to troll this blog and reads this post, Fuck You.

But anyway, I was crushed.

I committed the poem to memory (The only thing I memorized that year, I’m sure… and not to difficult since I’d written it) and in 12th grade, in a different school, I submitted the poem for publication in the yearbook. After correcting some grammatical mistakes, it was published. Victory was mine.

I was recently in the shower (where all random thoughts and moments of pure genius occur) and this memory popped into my head out of nowhere, along with the poem, permanently inked on my brain. I thought about the meaning of the poem I was shocked by how true it has stayed, throughout my life, informing the decisions I’ve made and following this path that has led me to The Muchness.

Translation:

The world spins in circles.

If you want to know yourself
Look into the past
Because that is where you’ll find
what you’re looking for.

Because in this world
there are no beginnings and there are no endings
and there is nothing new under the sun.

I was so smart!

Looking in the past is how I found my Muchness! I looked to the things that used to bring me joy on a more innocent, easy  time, and I invited those small joys back into my world.

As a kid, what made  you feel Muchy? What sparked you? Ignited your passion and brought a smile to your face? What were you good at and loved doing? What did you daydream about in class? Recapture those memories by writing them in the comments below. And then explore them in your world. 

…Perhaps I should once again start writing poetry…

When I went to take a picture of the poem I came upon my 8th grade yearbook picture which I’ll be sharing shortly. What was written next to it truly blew my mind.

I L.O.V.E. Sharing The Muchness!!!

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Last night I had an incredible opportunity. I was invited to speak at a local college to a group of about 50+ young women. It was the first time I’d ever spoken publicly to a group this size (Except a few years ago when I was a guest teacher at a Junior High School) and I was NERVOUS.

I tried to remember that I was SUPPOSED to be nervous and just let myself feel that. So, that manifested itself for two nights in a  row into nightmares about showing up in my fancy blue dress with my legs as hairy as an ape. Great.

But I got there and started talking. And talking. And talking. and I really loved it. I loved that I was able to speak to college students who are the height of when they can really tap into their Muchness. I talked about how in college I felt pretty connected to my Muchness, my creativity and confidence because I was in an environment, art school, that supported that concept. And I loved watching the faces of the girls as I spoke. They were listening and responsive and I felt them hearing me.

Most importantly I was glad to have the opportunity to introduce them to the IDEA of Muchness, the idea that EVERYONE has Muchness and that it exists, in some form, in you… because it IS you. The event was billed as a “self-esteem informational” and my hope is that could help them get or stay on a path to living in a way that honors themselves, their individuality, their joys and unique quirks.

I hope plan to do more speaking. Doing it may have scared me but it totally got me pumped up, and isn’t that what The Muchness is all about? Getting out of your comfort zone and pushing yourselves to your full capacities?

This is me with some of the women after the talk.

I love it. Not only was it an opportunity to empower young women, but it was an opportunity to wear my awesome blue dress. What could be muchier than that?? 🙂

Want to invite The Muchness to your event or school?? I’d Love to come!

PS- To the girls I met last night who wanted to buy Muchness Bands, Click here and enter the 3 letter name for your school (all caps) for a coupon code at checkout. 😉

 

“God only gives us what we can handle” and other untruths.

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On facebook today a friend posted a comment about how stressed she was. I read through the comments and came upon the obligatory “God only gives us what we can handle” platitude.

I came very close to posting a reply but decided I wasn’t in the mood to educate one stranger about the stupidity of that concept at the expense of the general niceness on my friends wall so I decided to come here and vent about it instead.

Three weeks after the twins died I went back to work. For weeks I’d been hearing platitudes like that that and they ran through my brain constantly. On the way to work the first day back, in Port Authority, I noticed for the first time a woman sitting on the floor crying. I wondered if she was OK but kept going on my way. I was probably crying too, as I did a lot on those walks in the early days.

Then I saw her again the next day, same spot on the floor, crying.

And the next day.

And I thought to myself, “Clearly, God has given this woman more than she can handle.”

It’s been three years and I still see her there from time to time. Same spot, on the floor, crying.

In my mind I’ve invented a story about her where her son was sent to war and died. I don’t know why I created that story, but I just imagine that there are few things worse than the death of a child and this woman has clearly been through a lot. Maybe I’m being kind, and she’s simply a crack addict who cries all day and takes drugs all night. I have no idea. But there are people all over who have nervous breakdowns, get institutionalized and /or put guns in their mouths all the time. I suppose nobody ever shared with them that God wouldn’t have given them more than they could handle. Clearly, that tidbit of insight would make a world of difference. 

While I’m here and feeling so generous and snarky with the advice, let me suggest the following:

“Everything happens for a reason.” is not a statement of fact.

“He’s in a better place.” has never brought a baby loss mom an ounce of comfort.

…I’ll stop before I get carried away.

And to my friend who is feeling stressed, I have no great advice for you except to wear happy colors and know that you’ve helped me manage my own stress in a million ways, so thanks! You rock. 🙂

 

 

 

Finding your voice / Finding your Muchness.

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I love to watch Molly sing. From the day she was born I knew this child had drama written all over her, but she’s also shy and reluctant to express herself unless she’s sure she’ll do it right.
About a year ago Elie brought home the movie Annie. The girls watched it over and over an over again. Occassionally I’d hear Molly singing the songs quietly to herself. When I’d acknowledge her singing, she’d bury her cheek in her shoulder and stop.

That was before Annie came to town.

We bought tickets to a local theatre groups performance. As we settled into our seats, I could feel Molly’s anticipation, she had no idea what to expect. And I had no idea how it would connect her to her Muchness.
The curtains parted and Annie opened her mouth and started belting out “Tomorrow.”
Molly turned to me, eyes wide as saucers and exclaimed, verbatim: “Wow! She can really sing!”
After that day, I took great pride in listening to Molly sing. It’s like she suddenly got the memo that it’s OK to sing loudly and with all your passion and Muchness! In the car, in her room, in the bathroom…. Molly sings.
She often still prefers to save her greatest performances for when nobody is watching because she doesn’t want to mess up with an audience. And she loooooves to sing to herself in the mirror.

To get this clip I set up the computer so she could watch herself and then I hit record and left the room. Here is 30 seconds of what a four year old looks like singing with all her muchy fabulousness.

[youtube_sc url=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMlmxhsVSJo”]

Whens the last time YOU sang with that much passion? When’s the last time you belted one out with the car radio, pushing your vocal cords to their limit, actually hearing your own voice as it escaped from your body?

Here’s your Muchness Challenge for the day: Turn up the radio on a happy song that you love. (Spice Girls, perhaps? 🙂 )  Then, turn it up again. Then, SING LOUDER THAN THE RADIO.

Can you do it?

 

5 ways to keep your Muchness During the Holidays

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Ohhh, the holidays are upon us!! That exciting time when the energy is electrified with good cheer and happy people, where we spend carefree days and nights surrounded by our extended family, decorating the house while singing happy songs, eating yummy food, baking cookies and just enjoying the perfectness of it all! 

I know, right? Just writing that shit makes me feel a bit like barfing.

The holidays are hard. HARD.

Everybody with their oversized expectations, undersized budgets, chaos, drama, conflict, stress…

I was recently asked “How can a person keep their Muchness during the holidays?” and my first thought?

Don’t do what you don’t want to do. 

I know. Sounds impossible, right? We spend so much time trying to accommodate everyone else, how on earth are we supposed to not do what we don’t want to do?

Well, let me let you in on a secret. You don’t HAVE to do what you don’t want to do. Don’t want to travel four hours to spent an uptight dinner with your annoying relatives? Don’t. Will you be unpopular? Maybe, for a few minutes, but so what? You are the pilot of your own life and if you would rather have a quiet dinner at home with your buddies Lean and Cuisine, that is a perfectly valid decision.

But, since I live on planet earth and recognize that that is really hard for most people, I’m gonna give you 5 other ways to keep your Muchness at the Holidays.

1- Set your expectations low. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment by expecting things from people beyond the bare bones basics. The only one who walks around disappointed in the end is you. (PS- that doesn’t mean to give up all hope that the holidays can run smooth and beautiful, hopefully they can and your family members will all be in perfect form. Just don’t expect it.)

2- As My grandmother says “just because someone drives their crazy train into your station, doesn’t mean you have to purchase a ticket and hop on board.” Don’t get on anyone else’s crazy train. It is never worth it.

3- Expect your emotions to be a little off-kilter. In the baby loss community, it’s a well-known fact that the holidays bring with them shadow sadness. Even if everything is perfect (and maybe especially if they’re perfect) the feelings of missing those who aren’t there is especially acute. If you are aware that you might feel this way, it makes going with the flow a bit easier to handle. ***Note: this is not just about loss- it can be about sadness that the year has passed and maybe you didn’t accomplish all you set out to do… whatever the emotion that rests below the surface, just let it be what it want’s to be and accept it’s presence.

4- Create a tradition. DO NOT create a plan that is going to stress you out more. Do something small, meaningful, or significant to you in a way that only you know. If there is someone you miss, something that brings you sadness, take that exact thing and make it into something that puts a smile on your face and keeps you connected to that sadness, but gives you a reason to celebrate the love that is there.

5- Wear a Muchy festive sweater! Of course!! By the way, I’m totally serious. In the tradition of Fuit cake and well, ugly festive sweaters, go put one on! Wear it with a a big ol’ self-deprecating smile and take comfort in knowing that you are being proactive in giving other people a reason to smile. And those other people, the ones that roll their eyes and think mean things? Take comfort in knowing they just need a little Muchness in their lives!

OK, so, I’m no fool. I know the chances of you purchasing a holiday sweater are slim. So I’ve taken the liberty of compiling this  selection of Totally muchy and easily wearable tops. Scroll through- there’s stuff in all size ranges and all price points. I’d love to see pics of you wearing some happy, light reflecting Muchness this holiday!!

#MuchnessMoment – Feeding my spirit

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It’s been about 5 weeks since I started working from home. (2 weeks displaced by Sandy) I needed a change of scenery and perspective. Starting to feel like a hamster in a cage. So today I’m treating myself at a local cafe.

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I feel like such a clichè posting a picture of my breakfast but screw that! The muffin is friggin warm!!!
Mmmnmm… Civilization feels nice. 🙂
PS – look at this Muchness in the display case. My theory is if I photograph it Maybe I’ll avoid buying it…

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