Author: Tova

A Minute Of Muchness….

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Ya know that feeling when you know you have a great idea but then something holds you back from acting on it? Maybe it’s procrastination, that you then beat yourself up over, or maybe it’s that voice in your head that tells you it’s gonna be so bad you just shouldn’t bother to start, or that fear that it’s gonna be so good you just won’t be able to handle it? Yeah. You’re not alone. I’ve been plagued by all three of those lately.

I had an idea forever-ago and acting on it is really scaring the crap out of me.

Reasons I’m scared include:
– I’m gonna look like a big loser.
– Nobody is gonna participate.
– I wasn’t clear enough in my “how-to” so people will tune out.
– Ummmm…nobody’s gonna participate and I’m gonna look like a big loser.

But then, I realize that is so. not. muchy. Seriously, I just have to remember, it’s not about me. It’s about helping people find their Muchness.

When I think about all the people who have found their MUCHNESS just by sharing what makes them feel muchy, I realize I just gotta feel the fear and do it anyway.

So here it is. I’m starting something new and it’s called A Minute of Muchness!

I want you to create a 1-minute video and share 3 ways you tap into your Muchness Moments.Three things that make you feel Muchy.
Because I want you to think about it and be inspired, and because I want other people to hear it and be inspired. And because I want to give away sparkly prizes to people that participate. and because I don’t want to be the only one with an awkward video on my site.
minute-of-muchness-screenshotClick to watch it!

So head on over HERE and see what it’s all about!
I plan to start posting them on November 15th – International Muchness Day.
By November 30th I expect to have at least Ten Minute of Muchness videos to share on the site!
Can we do it? I think we can!
My next goal? Get Ellen DeGeneres and Katy Perry to make Minute of Muchness videos. And why not??
CLICK …. CLICK…. CLICK and make a super easy and inspired Minute of Muchness Masterpiece!!!! 🙂
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Muchness Band I wanted to share…

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Don’t you just love this custom quote from a recent Muchness Band Order?

“All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost,
The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost.” -J.R. Tolkien

I love it, and am proud that a portion of the proceeds from the sale will go to Sandy relief efforts.

If you’re thinking of ordering (The most thoughtful and inspiring gifts of ALL TIME) Muchness Bands as Holiday Gifts for your loved ones, please place your orders earlier rather than later. They can take a couple of days to print, pack and ship and I want to make sure you get your gifts in plenty of time for the holidays!!

If you haven’t yet seen the new packaging, here’s a pic. Custom designed and ready to slip into a stocking!

Go check them out in the Finding My Muchness Shop!

…..and, I’m back!!

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FINALLY MY INTERNET CONNECTION IS BACK!!!!!

It has been a while since I’ve been able to sit down at my computer and write to you, and boy did I miss it. For about a week after the storm we had no power. We were blessed to have friends with a generator who housed us for a few days. It was great to sit with my friend Gina and no distracting internet and discuss the myriad of ways we plan to create more charity and fundraising efforts around The Muchness. That’s really what this is about. When you realize how fleeting life is, who wants to spend it just taking, taking, taking?

The MUCHNESS fills my heart because it is a way for me to use

my gifts to give back and help others.

Certainly this storm and all the heartache it brought with it drove that point home.

This past weekend, before our power came back, we were at my mothers. For dinner she had a family over whose power had not yet been restored and were staying in their cold, dark house. The conversation turned to “What do you do?” and I replied, my usual – “I have a community website and I make inspirational accessories to help women re-find their joy after grief or trauma.” and the woman replied, “Oh, I could really use some of that after this storm.” My brother piped in “Oh- it’s not this kind of trauma…” and I stopped him. Yes. It is.

There are Muchness Stealers all around us, all the time. They don’t have to be as heartbreaking as baby loss or infertility- though, for some, this storm may have been.

So, how does one stay Muchy in the face of such acute disaster?

Gratitude.

As the storm beat the hell out of our region, and in the days of frigid darkness that followed, I found myself constantly counting my blessings. That we were safe, our family intact, our house dry and still standing. I thought about those that had suffered much greater losses than us, and those that live in areas of the world where a storm of this magnitude might affect people who live in poverty and don’t have a roof over their head to protect them, let alone having to worry about the lights going off.

I want to do my part.

From now until November 15th-  The 2nd Annual International Muchness Day- I will be donating 50% of all Muchness Band proceeds to local Sandy relief organizations.

Any Color. Any length. Click HERE to view the collection.

Muchness Bands. Little Bits of Light To Help You Find Your Way Through Darkness.®

PS- Stay tuned for my upcoming post in Still Standing Magazine with the nitty gritty details of how this storm really made my gratitude meter swell…. I’ll drop you a note when it’s published.

PPS- Yes, You DID read that correctly! The 2nd Annual Muchness Day is upon us! I have a really great idea & contest planned that I’ll be sharing in the next day or two…

 

 

Frankenstorm damage… Please stand by…

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I never really liked that tree on my front lawn anyhow. In the summer all the leaves blocked the sunlight to my disco ball table… Good riddance! (damn, I wish it didn’t have to take down two power line poles and all the wires attached to my home with it on its descent. Gonna be a looong couple of weeks till we’re back up n running….)

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All day folks from the neighborhood collected on our lawn like it was some sorta tourist attraction. At one point I considered ripping branches off the tree to sell as souvenirs, but then decided that was a stupid idea. Ya think?

Baby loss from a Jewish Perspective

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I’m so proud to share that last week I guest blogged at Still Standing Magazine. It’s a wonderful magazine written by a collection of inspiring women navigating the heartache and sorrows of baby loss and infertility.

I woke up one morning and out of the clear blue decided they needed my voice in their mix. The voice of a Jewish woman. So I summoned up all my courage and wrote to ask. I don’t know why I was so compelled. I’m not the most religious person you’ll ever meet and I almost never mention my religion on this blog, it’s not intentional, it just never seems to come up.

But I know that being Jewish has entered into the thought processes, rituals and choices I’ve made regarding how to handle our loss in many ways. And I know that, as a vocal baby loss mother, there are women in the Jewish community who have found comfort in my openness. I would never claim to speak for anyone besides myself, but I am proud that just by being here, I’ve allowed them to know they’re not alone. My hope is that by becoming a contributing writer there, I can do the same for a larger audience, and for women of all religions. My goal is to write posts that offer insight into different laws, customs, opinions and traditions regarding pregnancy and infant loss and my hope is that may be both compelling in their differentness and comforting in their sameness, or vice-versa.

My first post, entitled “Things You Don’t Forget” can be seen here.

My articles will appear in their online magazine on the second thursday of every month. Mark your calendars! 😉

Would love it if you’d comment and let me know your thoughts on the article.

Anniversary Muchness

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Today is my six year wedding anniversary!

I’ll be honest, last year passed without much fanfare. I don’t know why, especially since that was supposed to be our first “option to renew” anniversary.

…Quick background, historically, I’d never been a big believer in the idea of happily ever after with one person. It just seemed, I don’t know, conventional. Plus, almost no-one I knew in my family had proven it to be possible, at least not in the way I wanted to envision it. So, I decided Marriage should be a 5 year contract with an option for renewal at the end of 5 years. That way, you could try it out and if it wasn’t working, after 5 years, you could walk away, no harm, no foul.(Genius, right? I know.)  So last year, Elie joked that he was thinking he might not renew for another 5 years. I told him to STFU, we both laughed and I think I got a card. That’s cool, it’s how we roll. I was probably exhausted from burning the candle at both ends and the day just sorta came and went.

But today, I woke up in the mood to celebrate it. Maybe because I posted this pic on FB and it got like, a bajillion “likes” and that got me pumped.

That “after” was actually us just last night at a Bat Mizvah. Note to self- We both need haircuts.

On FB, I pointed out that Elie was wearing the same suit in both pictures and he said only 1% of people can fit into their wedding clothes after the wedding… So I got to thinking. The day after our wedding, We had a nice, leisurely  breakfast at the hotel of pancakes and eggs and my dress hasn’t fit me since. But, thanks to Elie and his obsession with all healthy foods, (Give that man a pile of beans and some bok choy and he’s happier than me in a bathtub of sequins…) it occurred to me I may actually be the size I was at our wedding.

So, I pulled out the dress.

And, I put it on.

And I zipped it up!

And then, after lamenting how my pre-baby nursing bust filled out the top so much nicer, I got psyched that it fit and remembered what a fun dress it was to wear and so I turned on our wedding song- yes, that’s right, our wedding song- and went bananas in the living room!

Posting this video here is a little self-indulgent. That being said, creating a blog about yourself is a little self-indulgent so why on earth and I getting sensitive about it now? Well, I really, honestly made this just to send Elie at work an make him laugh, but when I watched it back I realized how super muchtastic it is. I NEVER, EVER would have had the balls to make, let alone share, in any form, this nonsense before The Muchness. Fact is, I probably would have even rolled my eyes and wondered what the hell was wrong with a grown woman posting this online. Clearly she is just a lonely housewife craving attention, right? But here’s the thing! Having thoughts like that SUCK! Blech. Total Muchness Killers.

Anyway, I had so much fun making this and I don’t care about judgey people like me, pre-muchness, being all judgey. Those people need to get in touch with Their Much!

And for what it’s worth, I edited it down to like, 20 seconds. More than that, I just didn’t want to subject you to that. See? I care. You can thank me later…

[youtube_sc url=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wL_OdogisX4&feature=youtu.be”]

 

Guest Post: Dr. Phil Dembo!

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So, many of you probably remember my radio conversations with Dr. Phil Dembo, Auther of The Real Purpose of Parenting. Well, I was thrilled when he agreed to write a guest blog for us… and I love his topic choice! 🙂

FINDING OUR MUCHNESS…HOW DID WE LOSE IT IN THE FIRST PLACE?

If you are reading this blog entry, you already know the beautiful and amazing energy Tova is generating with her “Finding my Muchness” challenge.

We all, at some point in our lives, must face the fact that the circumstances that unfold before each of us can be painful, daunting and completely exhausting.

That, I’m afraid, is just life!

It is also equally important to note that the circumstances may unfold with positivity, opportunity and joy.  Yet, without our muchness, that too can feel overwhelming.

You see, it is not the circumstances that present themselves that force us to lose our way from the “muchness” inside.

And it is not the way we handle those circumstances that dictate how much “muchness” is available to us.

Each baby is born “universal,” where their experience equals their identity.

A newborn feels their total “muchness,” their total greatness, without ever really thinking about its existence.

Why, because their muchness IS their experience.

A baby feels hungry and cries.  A baby is fed and coos.

There is no low self-worth, no feelings of inadequacy, and no preoccupation with the circumstance as a way to create their identity.

The human condition IS our muchness!

It is through the years of “comparative analysis” of what “ought to be” with “what is” that we begin to lose the feeling of our greatness and replace it with the learned script of who we are supposed to be.

It is the learned judgment of self as it relates to others that force us to lose our way.

Judgment of self, judgment of others, and judgment of our circumstance based on a contrived standard society (others) have created for us teaches each baby to relinquish their muchness and replace it with performance.

We are born universal.  We are born with our “muchness.”

We must learn to stop the comparison, the judgment, and feel the moment we are in to find our way back…back to where we began…completely in the moment of our greatness.

Thank God for people like Tova Gold, who show us ways to find our way out of judgment and into the moment of who we are.

Study shows: Muchy shoes = Muchy You!

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So often when I wear my Muchy shoes like the ones above, I get compliments from women who then say “I love them…I wish I could wear shoes like that… Mine are just boring.”

Well, according to this study, you can judge 90% of a strangers personal characteristics just by looking at their shoes.  And based on that article,  what they’re actually saying is “I wish I was more outgoing and could form relationships more easily.”  Interesting….

My favorite line in the article
“Practical and functional shoes generally belong to agreeable people, ankle boots fit with more aggressive personalities and uncomfortable looking shoes were worn by calm personalities.”

 So, my question: What if the shoes look uncomfortable but are actually quite practical &  functional, and on top of that, happen to be ankle boots?

I present, Exhibit A:

Jeffrey Campbell Brand = Usually Surprisingly comfortable.
Black color + Closed toe= practical + functional = agreeable personality (We both agree these shoes kick ass!)
Ankle Boot = Aggressive personality (…If you don’t agree, I’ll kick your ass!)
Uncomfortable looking = Calm personality (…But I’ll do it while really relaxed)

So, because I have zero qualifications to tell you what to do, (besides a LOOOOVE of statement making shoes) I’m gonna tell you what to do…

Think about the person you wish you saw when you looked in the mirror- the person you KNOW you could be, the person you WANT to be. I’m gonna guess that it’s probably you just happier, more confident, more balanced and basically more in touch with your Muchness. Then think about the shoes that person would wear. Chances are they look just like the shoes you are drawn to and admire but don’t think you could actually wear yourself.
OK. Now,

BUY THOSE SHOES.

But wait, I’m not done. I’ll bet you thought I was done. But I’m not. Because next comes the tricky part… ready? OK. Listen carefully….

WEAR. THOSE. SHOES.

I know! Scandalous!

Take that tiny leap outside your comfort zone and literally walk in someone else’s shoes. Whose? Yours. Just, ya know, Muchified.

And, for what it’s worth, based on my own experience, I really agree with this article. When I was at a place of complete Muchlessness, my shoes showed it.

I present, My Before-The-Muchness Black Boots- Exhibit B:

I feel like they were boots without a backbone and absolutely no soul (or sole, as the case may be.)

What do you think? Do your shoes accurately reflect your personality? And if so, how would you change that? I’d love to hear— and if your shoes ARE Muchy, post a pic on FB and share it as a #MuchnessMoment! 😀

PS- Wanna see some super Muchtastic shoes? Go Here. Nasty Gal totally kicks ass. 🙂

PPS- Yes- that link is an affiliate link and if you buy anything from that super fantastic site I might make a few cents, but I am only sharing the site because I loooove their shoes (and lots of their clothes) and have tons of stuff from them… and not all of their shoes are super crazy. except these:

Totally super crazy. I agree.

PPPS- yes- that picture is another affiliate link. ha! 😉

If I’d never shared their names

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In honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, I want to share this poem I wrote a few weeks ago after the three year anniversary of our loss.

Sometimes I think back to my pre-loss opinions, that “stuff like this happens and you move on” and the foolish idea I had early on that we would basically “keep it to ourselves” …and then I look at where I am now, and wondered if maybe, at three years,  I’d be more “over it” if I’d followed conventional (old, faulty) thinking and just kept quiet and ‘put it behind me’…

That was my thought when I sat down to write this poem, which practically fell out of me. But oddly, the idea that that would have been a better way to deal with it, I honestly couldn’t even connect enough words to express that thought, because it is so unrealistic.

The poem isn’t perfect. I’m nobody’s poet. And it might have echoes of Dr. Seuss in it’s rhythms, but whatever.

If you like it and it means something to you, please let me know.

I wonder how it’d be different

I wonder how it’d be different if I hadn’t shared their names
If I’d kept them to myself and I hadn’t shared my pain
I wonder how it’d be different if I’d kept them to myself
If I’d hid all of my sorrow and I’d never asked for help.

Now at three years later would I still think of them daily
Would I see them in the little things
and hear their names in passing winds.

How would things be different If I’d never Shared their names?

Would the word “twins” make me cringe inside the way I do today.
Or would it be more obvious and would my tears betray
Or maybe it’d be different, I’d hardly think of them myself.
They’d be locked up safe inside of me if I’d never asked for help.

People would have forgotten, or they’d speak in whispered tone,
about the girl I once was, before my broken home.

At least this way I love them in the best way that I know.
To put my heart out on the line so maybe I can show
These losses they don’t disappear and there’s pain inside our hearts
And there’s no harm in acknowledging these slightly broken parts.

They make us strong, they make us proud they make us who we are.
They’re a symbol of the love we have and like a badge or scar
It is my choice to show the world this love I have inside
for the gift I have that changed my life, despite the tears I cried.

How would things be different If I’d never Shared their names?

-Tova Gold

Their Hand Painted Grave Markers.