Month: October 2011

BTM VS. ATM: Winter Boots

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Today is the first day of snow:

That’s our backyard. Apparently we didn’t put away the spring toys early enough. Who knew it would snow before November. Pretty depressing.

This morning I took Molly on a date. We went for coffee and bagels together. For the first time since last year I put on my snow boots and winter coat. Both were new purchases last winter, when I felt my heavy duty boots and heavy brown winter coat were just weighing me down. I put them on and was transported back to my mindset when I bought them last year- actively making the decision to purge from my life anything that dragged me down.

I upgraded my old heavy boots for these awesome sexy snow boots. 

These boots helped me muchify my mindset towards the idea of a snowstorm, making the idea of snow somewhat appealing. Instead of “uuuuuuuch- I can’t believe it’s snowing again…. there is NOTHING good about the snow”, now it was an opportunity to wear my awesome new boots!! See that? Sure, they’re just boots, but it helped me invent a reason not to feel so blaaaaaah.

PS: You may wonder how a person can walk throughout the snow in those spiked heels, but it’s easy. Those heels just dig right into the snow and keep me standing upright! No problem!! 🙂

MUCHNESS HUNTING!!

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Today is a particularly drab day. It’s been dark and rainy… the kind of day that just makes your bones ache. It’s also the first day and FOREVER that I am not wearing something Muchy. (Besides my Muchness band, duh. But its on my head so I cant even see it… I should move it to my wrist… I think that will help….)

I was up late last night, overslept his morning and… well, I don’t know. I dressed to match my morning mood, instead of dressing to set my mood. And now my mood is blllllaaaaaahhhhh.

So I decided to go Muchness Hunting online and I came up with a site I think I may be in love with. At first glance, there is definitely a strong resemblance between my favorite new Muchness Hunting site and this sexy sex-pot stripper site. (Which, for what it’s worth, carries some awesome Muchness itself, you just have to use a more discerning eye.)

I mean, sure- the models have hair as blond as my moustache after a 20 minute session with Jolen Cream Bleach, and they’ve got enough make-up to make a Mary-Kay sales rep curl into a ball in the corner and weep shameless tears of jealousy, BUT,  upon closer examination of the actual products they sell, it appears there is quite a bit of socially appropriate Muchness- and it’s well priced!

Take, for example, this dress:

GREY SCOOP NECK SEQUIN DECOR LONG SLEEVES MINI DRESS

Slap on a pair of leggings or jeans and it’s totally a real-world wearable dress! And it’s $26.99. Really. I’ve seen more expensive Muchness at Target.

Or this—OK. So I KNOW this is a little extra body conscious and quirky, but I LOVE it:

SILVER BLACK SEXY SEQUINED STAR PRINT MINI SKIRT

Black Long sleeve tee, Black Tights and Knee Hi black boots, and you’re ready to go!! And it’s $22. For real. I’ve eaten lunches at my desk that cost more than that.

And this look is perfect for the girl who likes neutrals! (I think of everything in the brown family as a neutral. I can’t help it. Even the leopard print wall-to-wall carpet in my family room is a neutral to me. It matches EVERYTHING!!!!)

COFFEE SEXY SEQUINED DRAPED SIDES MINI DRESS

Ok- I know you’re thinking, Um, really Tova? Really? When in gods name am I going to wear that? And I say, “Whenever!!!” It’s all lose and drape-y at the hips and belly, making it the PERFECT choice for casual sunday afternoons after a big lunch of pizza and pasta!!! Throw on a denim jacket (Or, better yet, a leopard fur shrug) to protect you from drafty air, and kick up your heels to watch the latest Lifetime Movie of the Week!

…Speaking of heels….. Um, I’m gonna have to save that post for another day. Because they have So . Friggin . Many . Muchtastic . Shoes, I’m simply overwhelmed and scared I’ll buy them and they will break my feet.

Until then, I leave you with this Gem from their Halloween Department:

It’s called Daisy Bug. And she’s holding a Sunflower.  😉 You get me…

 

MUCHKINS, MUNCHIES AND MUCHNESS MADNESS!!!

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WooooHoooo!!!! It’s picture time!!!! Molly’s at the age where she likes projects. And she likes doing stuff in the kitchen. I too like projects. And cookies. I like cookies. So I created a fun and (I’m sure) terribly unique project to do with Molly!!

We start with the basics. Cookies:

Mmmmm sugar

What? You didn’t think I actually baked, did you??

Next, Pour Edible Muchness into a bowl:

Now, pour other edible Muchnesses into other bowls:

More:

Variety is the spice of life:

I think you can see where I’m going here….

Ok. Then we each got our own tray:

Ok. Stop focussing on the mess behind us and start focussing on my MUCHTASTIC RAINBOW LEOPARD PRINT ONE-PIECE FOOTSIE PAJAMAS!!! (Uh. I can’t. I seriously need to devote a whole post to the awesomeness of footsie pajamas. People just do not understand!!! They’re the best!!!)

OK! now get busy decorating!!! That’s the fun part! Get creative! Get silly! Get Nuts! (Unless you’re allergic to nuts. Then I suggest you skip the nuts.)

Decorations are complete and they are very avant-gard:

Here are some pretty close-ups ‘cuz my new ‘how to blog‘ book says people like pretty close-ups. So go on, enjoy. I like pretty close-ups too:

M&Mmmmmmm

Mine were pretty meticulous:

Molly’s were more freestyle:

Then, we put them in the oven…

and waited…

and waited…

and waited…

NEVER has 11 to 13 minutes taken this long!

DING!!!!  FINALLY they were done!!!! look how Yummy!

Some more pretty close-ups on my pretty blue plate:

But are they any good? It looks like……. YES!!! SUCCESS!!!! WOOOOHOOOO!

And because I’m so devoted to The MUCHNESS…. for your viewing pleasure:

Yeah- see it?! It’s subtle but ya can’t stop me!!! wooohoo! It’s a MUCHNESS MADNESS Post too!!!!!

 

Discussing Babyloss with my boss

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I went on a business trip last week with my boss. In all the years that I have worked at this job, I’ve never gone on a business trip. I just kept getting pregnant and/or having babies. But now that Liat is one year and I am not preoccupied with getting pregnant again, I was glad to go. Just one day away from the office responsibilities and the house responsibilities was a welcome change.

It also gave me the opportunity to chat a bit with my boss. Although I try not to discuss this blog at work, my co-workers know about it, as do my bosses. In fact, I would not be completely shocked if they sat around reading it. Mildly shocked, maybe. But completely? No.  Hell, I wonder if his ears are turning red as he reads. these. words. right. now.

The boss I traveled with has never talked to me about the twins. Never really acknowledged it to my face. That’s fine. When I first returned to work 3 weeks after they died, I actually asked a co-worker to ask everyone not to make a big deal of it. But now, two years later, in the airport, waiting for our return flight, after a very abstract segue into the topic,  he said to me “It seems like you carry a  lot of anger about that situation.”

Oh. Um, hello.

Ok. I guess we can have this conversation. And I guess you’re reading my blog.

“I do.” I replied

“Why? It’s not like it defines who you are. Why would you want to focus on that instead of focussing on your other two blessings? It’s been two years. Why don’t you want to just put it behind you as just ‘something that happened in the past’?”

“OK. first of all, in many ways, it does define me. It just does. I am not the same person that I was before this happened. Therefore, by definition, it has defined me. But second of all, I think we are defining anger differently. I am not ANGRY…. like ‘I’M SO MAD!’ kinda anger… I am angry that I was forced to live through that experience. But not like, bitter anger. It’s more like, like …..”

“…Sadness.” He said.

“Yes, sadness. And I’ll always be sad about it. 2 years or 20 years. That’s just the way it is.”

We dropped the topic.

Two hours later we got on the plane. I (so unusual for me) still had more to say.

“Ya know… back to that topic…. I don’t want to forget about it and just put it behind me. I actually like talking about them. They are my children. You would never say to someone who lost a parent ‘put it behind you…. why do you want to talk about that'”

“But you never held them. You never looked at their faces, or saw them smile.”

I was surprised he said that. I know a lot of women would be appalled to have someone say that directly to them. I wasn’t. I was sort of touched. It was so… honest. I really felt like he was trying to understand my head.

“You’re right. I didn’t. And that’s really sad. But it really has nothing to do with the love I have for them. I love them as much as I love my other two children. I just don’t get to raise them.”

And with that, I think I saw a glimmer of understanding come across his face. And then, I felt at peace with the conversation. I closed my eyes and tried to get some sleep before we landed at 6am.
____

Today was the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Memory Walk at our local hospital.  I taped an oversized Sunflower and Daisy to Liat’s stroller and walked there with her. Just the two of us.

(I wore three Muchness bands, a silver sequin jacket, and my IN TOUCH WITH THE MUCH t-shirt… those things are my versions of ‘liquid courage’…. What? Oh. Doesn’t everyone have hot pink Duct Tape in their house?)

At the walk, a speaker talked about the importance of speaking up about our losses. About how, until those who experience these losses let others know and help them understand what it REALLY is to lose a pregnancy, to lose a baby, it will always be an isolating, invisible sorrow that others don’t recognize and can’t comprehend.

I felt good that I shared my feeling and thoughts with my boss, and maybe brought him a new glimmer of understanding. And so I decided to take that conversation and share it here. Through The MUCHNESS, I plan to educate the world.