Talking to babyloss parents about their joy (a video)

What an amazing weekend. For almost a year I have been looking forward to speaking at Forever In Our Hearts- a baby loss memorial walk in Wisconsin. It was such a thrill to be asked and I worked on my speech for months and months leading up to the event. And then, a week before I was set to fly- I trashed everything I’d written and started from scratch. I knew that to be impactful and also not completly freeze up in fear, I’d have to talk from my heart. I’d have to figure out and organize the thoughts and beliefs and experiences I wanted to share and then I just had to get up there – let my girls guide me- and share them.
And I think that’s what I did.

I poured my heart into it and I’d love if you would take a few minutes and watch my talk.

I was so grateful for this opportunity and afterwards, so many people came up and thanked me.
Thanked me.
One woman thanked me for giving her permission to find joy.
Nobody needs my permission. It’s inside of you. 

Another thanked me for reminding her its ok to bring light back into her home.
Friends, it’s OK. That’s where the light SHOULD be. 

And others asked me how.
How do you start?

How do you start to see the moments of light when they’re trapped in and filled with the murkiness and weight of grief?

And I told them-
it’s when we are trapped in the utter darkness that the tiniest little spark gives off the most light.
If you’re looking for a glorious sunrise in the middle of a star-less night, you will continue to be disappointed by the darkness.


Instead, search for the tiniest little star and move towards it. As you get closer, you’ll realize it’s bigger than you thought, and surrounded by many other little stars you couldn’t see before. Keep exploring those tiny little stars. You may not find the sunset you thought you were seeking, but you may just discover the light and beauty of a moon you didn’t know was there.

Love & Muchness, Tova

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8 Replies to “Talking to babyloss parents about their joy (a video)”

  1. Karen Yankovich

    Tova. That was an amazing, heartfelt talk. Thank you so much for stepping into YOUR destiny and being such an inspiration to so many others. This message is so valuable to so many people grieving in so many different ways.

  2. Brandy Donough

    Tova, once again I’m so blessed to have you in my life – I know you know about me and our TTTS situation – I will continue to speak about our boys and the termination at nearly 27 weeks. I won’t hide my grief anymore. Thank you for being able to continue to live! LOVE YOU!!

    • Tova Post author

      Love you Brandy…. you have me thinking about that as well… You are awesome and I know you too are following your light so you can share it with the world. xox


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