Tova’s Blog – Page 7 – Finding My Muchness

How to get rid of head lice – for realz.

Posted on September 4, 2014 by Tova

On the second day of school- a day after blogging the joys of sending the kids back to school, my kid is sent home with the worst case of lice I’ve ever seen. Honestly. I thought it would be one or two little effers but those creepy disgusting things had not only shown up and moved in, they’d set up their own friggin’ zip code. They were having dance parties in the evening and sitting confidently around all the disgusting little eggs they’d arranged in a lovely polka dot pattern on her scalp – (a scalp I have recently come to learn also enjoys a slightly higher than average glitter allotment than most 6 year old scalps. Go figure.) just waiting for alllllll their lil’ baby lice to hatch and fill the empty bunks in their trailer homes.

I immediately called my super dear friend and first cousin, L’via “The Lice Queen” Weisinger.

She emailed me a copy of her famous ebook

NO LICE IS NICE!

How to Get Rid of Head Lice – FOR GOOD!

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(It ain’t much to look at (yet) (I’m eventually gonna muchify it for her) but the brilliant info inside will keep you sane in the face of a torturous battle with disgusting little bugs that live in your head. —not the ones that create negative self-talk and comparisonitis- I mean the REAL bugs…. I’m guessing you already knew that.)

I’ve been posted about this lice excitement a few times on social media and gotten so much well-meaning advice that doesn’t come CLOSE to the brilliant, non-toxic and totally manageable lice clearing and prevention process that L’via created and has been using for at almost two decades on thousands of kids all around NY and NJ. (Kids, I might add, who come and go to Israel a lot- a lovely place well known for many things, one of which is it’s wonderful hospitality to these little critters— in case you wondered why “lice ladies” always seem to be jewish, there’s your answer to that little trivia question.)

Anyway, to thank her for helping me, I am posting her book for sale here. Because her site was hacked and she hasn’t had the time to fix it. SO, if you have lice and need a foolproof, no poison way to get rid of them, this is what you are looking for.

She uses NO CHEMICALS.

NO EXPENSIVE DRUGS.

And my kid didn’t even cry once. …Though I did catch a couple of those lice wiping away some stray tears before dropping dead.

Plus, her writing style is fun and engaging, sorta like someone else you might know that she’s related to. (wink wink)

Click here to buy her book.

And despite all my bitching and moaning, I swear it will save you tons of headaches from trying all the other, less effective techniques. As soon as you pay the paypal page will redirect you to an instant download page for the book. There is also a secret password in the “message to seller” box so look out for that!

And just for fun, this was me and my girls last night. 10431455_10152167560762134_7962263629370303573_n

We treated all our heads prophylacticaly. (My new favorite word) and it’s a good thing to, because, wait for it, I ended up finding two little fuckers in my head. And while I never (always) use the F word lightly, I only found TWO, and they were ON TOP OF EACH OTHER!!! I’m pretty sure I caught them in the act and thus avoided them laying their disgusting little eggs on my pristine scalp.

It’s like I always (never) say “When dealing with prophylactics, you can never be too careful.”

(there are so many more jokes running through my head right now but I will retain some dignity and keep them to myself.)

Buy the book.

(PS- If you live near by and end up using her services in person, she’ll refund the cost of the book. Though if you live far away you may just wanna travel to meet her ‘cuz she’s THAT cool. Even if you don’t have lice.)

The kids are back in School!!!!

Posted on September 2, 2014 by Tova

I’m not even gonna front- I am so excited to be sending my kids back to school- to the daily grind of early morning wake-ups and even to the cooler days of fall— when not everything smells like suntan lotion and my hair feels like something other than a dry birds nest or a greasy mop.

Don’t get me wrong- this summer was great but I am ready for a change. With the exception of a few blog posts and social media (FB) updates, I kinda took the season “off” from Muchness- I haven’t even sent a newsletter in months.

For the first few weeks I was beating myself up about it and then I just decided to cut myself some slack. I mean, seriously, if we beat ourselves up about doing (or not doing, as the case may be) the things we love, we stop loving them, right?

After I stopped beating myself up, I focused my attention this summer on one key business thing:

Earseeds.

Yeah, in case you haven’t been formally introduced, meet Earseeds. (They aren’t seeds that grow out of your ears, I’ve been asked that an oddly high number of times.)

They are tiny little seeds used to stimulate acupressure points on the ear to help treat a variety of common conditions, like stress, headaches, back pain…. They are a common part of Tradition Chinese Medicine and acupuncturists use them all the time. My hubby, an acupuncturist, came up with the idea of creating kits that help people apply them on their own, in their home.

So, I started creating the art for them back in February or March. We launched the business in mid-april and have been spending a LOT of our energy building that biz this summer. I probably shoulda told you sooner, but I didn’t want you to think I was stepping out on you. 😀 But now, with school starting up again (TOMORROW!!!!!! YAYAYAYYYYYY!!!!) I, like so many of you, am looking forward to getting back into a really productive routine so I can balance more and put goals of all kinds back on my to-do lists.

The truth is, I’ve been feeling frazzled and like my heads been screwed on slightly crooked for the last few weeks while the kids were home ALL THE TIME. (there’s more to it than that- I’ll share that later…) So, tomorrow it starts. I’m gonna try to wake up early to get the kids snacks ready before the very last minute. Gonna try to get on the treadmill for 20 minutes. Just 20 minutes! How can that be so hard? I’m gonna try to sit and write for 30 minutes. It’s good for me. In so many ways. Gonna make ear seed kits for 30 minutes (truly….. each one, made with care by Mr. and Mrs. Gold- with the occasional help from the little Golden Nuggets.)

This is the first year since I was in school that September actually feels like a new beginning.

Here’s to new goals mixed with Tons of Muchness!

xo, Tova

Where you should go on vacation for a heaping dose of MUCHNESS

Posted on August 20, 2014 by Tova

Who was it that said vacations were an over-rated big fat waste of time and money?

Oh wait.

Nobody.

Ever.

Vacations. Are. Awesome.

I should know, I took one!

My in-laws are about to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. That is 50 years married. To each other. Can you imagine? Honestly, whoa. That’s a lot of years.

When we got engaged I told Elie that I believe in divorce. It’s been around for eons, and it works. I told him that every 5 years I expect to get a renewal contract. That way, if I’m not interested in renewing, no hard feelings. You weren’t promised more than 5 more years. See that? Win-win!

At year 5 we were pretty much still coasting. We’re on 8 years now. I’ll let you know what happens in 2016.

OK- Vacation. Ya know where we went? Las Vegas! With the whole family! To celebrate 50 Years of coupledom! And boatlads of sparkle and Muchness. That place is like, The capital of Muchness City!!!! Holy hell, there’s a lot of Muchness there.

I didn’t take pictures.

I mean, I took a couple that I posted to facebook because I could hardly contain myself but all the while had that little voice in the back of my head telling me “Tova….. don’t post this on social media…. everyone will know you are away and try to break into your house to steal all your valuables….” (Spoiler alert: I have no valuables. I keep the extra glitter & rhinestones in the spare dishwasher. (Yes, I have a spare dishwasher…. who doesn’t?)) (Incidentally, isn’t it great when you have a parenthesis within a parenthesis and have to end with a double parenthesis? (Like this?))

I wanted to take more pictures but I kept running out of space on my phone and having to remove pictures that were already there, or videos that were taking up a ton of space… (Bye-bye Molly’s Kindergarden Graduation! I need space for a selfie!!)

So, if you have never been to vegas and want to give your eyeballs a spectacle beyond spectacles, (wow- that was so no pun intended) go there.

And while you’re there, go see Michael Jackson’s ONE by Cirque De Soleil. Un-friggin-believable. (that’s the selfie above.)

Out of curiosity, when you see spectacular performances by incredibly talented people doing beyond amazing things do you think to yourself “I could totally have done that if my mom woulda just kept me in that gymnastics class?”… or some variation of that…. or is that just me?

And ya know how I love some good kitch…. here’s us walking the Vegas Strip in our matching t-shirts. Yes. We were TOTALLY those people.

See that one chic with no logo on her shirt? Totally my fault.

Muchness Craft Time!

Posted on August 8, 2014 by Tova

It has been SO long since I’ve shared a craft here. I’ll bet so many of you don’t even know I do crafts. I do. I totally do crafts. Sometimes, I even write horrible poetry about the crafts I do. Because, why not?

Before I share this craft with you I just want to say for the record that when Molly turned 4 I made her an awesome Disco themed party and totally planned to blog all about it and share the pictures of the disco balls the kids made. It was total Muchness. I never shared the pics. She’s six and a half.

OK. That’s been weighing on me. Now that I got it out of my system, maybe I’ll share it… eventually.

Moving right along….

I cleaned out my garage and basement! It started as part of the curriculum of my 8 week Finding Your Muchness After Babyloss program… sort of a “clearing the clutter” part of the program, but quickly escalated to an all-out call-your-uncle-and-beg-him-to-help-you-get-the-shit-out-of-your-house event.

It culminated in this beautiful sight:

Nothing like the feeling of dumping 500 lbs. of trash in one fell swoop.

But during the clear out I found my stash of FIMO clay from back in my college days!

I loved that stuff. I used it to sculpt some masterpieces…. with which to smoke from.

(Nicotine products only. What?!?!?!? —seriously- everyone thought I was a pot head because I…well, I’m not sure why – any ideas? But I totally wasn’t. I thought it was stupid to use drugs in order to act “cool” or”weird”… I was totally those things already! Score! As an adult, I know better. )

Anyhoooo, Molly wanted to do a project and she and Liat were tired of totally ruining my patio while I recorded the horror in parental pride.

So I pulled out my fimo and the pasta maker that went with it and we got to work:

Then, Molly had the brilliant idea of filming us doing it! …but sadly, the mic on the camera wasn’t working… which in one way was good because it saved me the headache of having to edit the whole video for you. I just slapped it up on The YouTube as is, seeing as it was beyond repair anyway.

So, look at the pretty finished bowl!!

It’s missing a “tooth” at the top, but we think that just adds character.

Following this project, Molly asked me to use an entire $45 gift card she received for her birthday to buy an assortment of FIMO clay for her to make more stuff with.

I gladly obliged. So much better that than more Hello Kitty crap to fill my house. Though, she could probably make her own little Hello Kitty Figurine to match the little Kero Keroppi one I made sometime before the turn of the century.

Of course, hers won’t have smoking paraphernalia shoved up its butt.

Finding My Grit

Posted on August 5, 2014 by Tova

A few days ago I read an article entitled “7 Habits of People With Remarkable Mental Toughness” and though I’m not the most well-read individual, the list itself reminded me a lot of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People— a book which I only read the mini version of– and none of which I could accurately list for you offhand, but still feel like the same list in my “let’s boil everything down to it’s lowest common denominator” mind. Plus, the author basically states that that’s what it is.

But there is one thing about that article that keeps popping back into my brain…. the authors use of the word “grit.” Defined as “The ability to work hard and respond resiliently to failure and adversity; the inner quality that enables individuals to work hard and stick to their long-term passions and goals.”

Image via Seth Mattison

So, when I first heard the word “Muchness” I knew that that was the word for that thing I’d been missing…. and that word “grit”- that almost felt like the same thing – I feel like I’ve lost my grit. I grew up in Brooklyn. People in Brooklyn have grit. In spades. It’s basically a pre-requisite. Scratch that- it was a pre-requsite in the 70’s and 80’s. Now, it seems like hipster faux-grit might be the pre-requisite, but alas, I now live in Jersey so nobody cares what I think about Brooklyn grit.

Anyhooo, this idea of grit stuck with me.

I’m trying to be nice to myself, to follow my own lessons and not beat myself up about having to relearn things that I already know. But the fact is, over the last 5 years I’ve been completely disassembled and I’m reassembling as I go. And I imagine I will continue to do so for, well, ever.

When I first learned that we were not going to be bringing our twins home safe and sound, I approached it with grit. I looked at it with the mindset of someone with resiliency. In that way, I was intent to stick to my plan and get pregnant again and have the baby that I’d wanted. I was going to “bounce back”…. because that’s what people like me did. It’s who I saw myself as….a person with “grit.”

And then I learned it wasn’t gonna work that way. I learned that even though I did get pregnant quickly, that didn;t fix anything. I learned I needed to break, I couldn’t just plow through.

And I eventually learned to be OK with that. And I still am. It taught me powerful lessons. It was a giant gift.

But simultaneously, it also gave me permission to drop my grit. My former boss saw it. I was no longer badass. I got soft. And I knew it. And I liked it. And I needed it. Because the things I was badass about were no longer important. Not in scheme of life. A life viewed from the perspective of a woman who’d just said goodbye to her babies.

But here I am- I want my grit back. I’ve been aching for it for a while, without a good word for it. History has shown I do well when I have a word for that ‘thing’ that is often indescribable. And I’m trying to learn what grit can look like redesigned, reintroduced with all the lessons of grief staying close to my heart.

Before grit looked like not necessarily letting emotions seep in. Now, emotions always seep in. And they should.

Before, grit looked like putting myself first. Now, I find that harder to do with empathy so woven into my consciousness.

Before, grit also ironically meant putting myself last. When you just push push push you forget you need some TLC. Now, I handle myself with kid gloves, and I’m a little sick of it.

Before, grit looked like judging others as a means to help define myself. Now, I know judging others only serves to minimize me and my own ability to shine.

I’m starting to feel confident it’ll find it’s way back, in the right way, with the right balance.

Perhaps I should give myself a 30 Days of Grit Challenge? I wonder what that would even look like…. 30 days with no complaining? 30 days of cursing like a NY truckdriver? (that always makes me feel badass.) 30 days of working hard and sticking to my long term passions and goals?

30 Days of Grit.

Maybe I will.

How to Really Love your Child- My 2 cents.

Posted on August 1, 2014 by Tova

A friend recently shared this graphic on Facebook- its by SARK from Planet Sark.

It even comes as a blanket.

Can I just say, I do all this … and what I’m coming to learn about my six year old is that there are things missing from this list that are just as important.

My kid yearns for organized discipline. Though she reacts like a crazy person, deep down, without even knowing it, she wants me to punish her when she mouths off or doesn’t do what is expected of her.

She needs me to stand over her like a drill sargent while I force her to clean her room and brush her teeth. Those things make her feel protected.

It is easy for me to do the things on that list above, and much harder to for me to do the things on the list I just wrote, because frankly, I’d rather just go to the movies in our PJs.

And while I think that there are way way way too many parents that need Sarks reminder, I think there are also a lot of kids like my daughter who need parents who know how to put their foot down and discipline in a regimented way that just is no fun at all in the moment, and doesn’t leave room for saying yes as often as possible.

Ramblings about nothing that might mean something to someone. Maybe.

Posted on July 29, 2014 by Tova

It’s been a summer of change around here. Not the kind of change that whacks you over the head and drags you off to a new life but the kind that subtly seeps in, pushes and pulls and tugs at your insides for a while, leaving you to wonder if you’re losing your mind. Insecurity seeps in. Clarity seeps out. Moments of overwhelm come fast and furious and you wonder how you ever thought you had a grip on anything solid in the first place.

And then, one day, you wake up and it’s different. The shift has occurred. You remember you can chose your perspective aand the perspective you chose actually feels right. And honest.

I’ve spent the last 10+ weeks running my first ever Finding Your Muchness After Babyloss online program. Together with psychologist Julie Bindeman and 12 incredible women, I found myself engrossed emotionally in these journeys.

I thought the journeys would belong to the women in the course. I planned to accomplish a whole host of other things while the course was in progress, but then, I accomplished almost none of them. For months I told myself I was lazy. Unfocussed, overwhelmed… all nonsense, I’m now giving myself permission to admit. That course had me on an emotional journey as well and my lack of engagement in too much else was just my way of honoring that journey. Geez. Not so complicated in retrospect but last week it sure had my feathers in a pinch.

Anyhoooo, I was so caught in a dysfunctional headspace and poor perspective that I told my husband I need medication to manage my self-diagnosed and never tested nor treated ADD. I even went to a shrink and asked her to give me some pills. She told me I had to have therapy first. So I went. Twice. And what I walked away with was a reminder to get off my ass do the shit that needs to get done. And also, that blogging is great therapy. It got me through the worst time of my life. – Well, that’s not 1000% true. I didn’t blog right after the loss, nor in the depths of my grief. At those times I just spent every waking minute in online chat rooms for loss moms, learning how to feel.

But then after that I blogged. And lord, when I’m doing that on a regular basis- it might be better than therapy…. though it might also create a need for therapy… but only when I overthink. And worry about what people are thinking of my writing. Man, that’s such a major buzz-kill.

A few years back I took an online business course and the first thing it pounded into our heads was to get inside the heads of our readers. There was a 15 page assignment designed to help us get into the heads of our readers. And I attempted to do it- I did…. many times, but I could never finish it. And the more I tried to get into the head of my reader, the more outside my own head I felt. The more I started writing for other people- Imaginary people I was supposed to be creating – instead of for myself and the actual people who seemed to be reading my ramblings even when they made no real sense and had no ALL IMPORTANT CALL TO ACTION!!! (The golden goose of online business, in case your wondering…. You must ALWAYS have a CALL TO ACTION…. see yours at the bottom of this post…. if you make it that far…. I know… I’m rambling….)

Last week I went to a little group blog-planning session and with 8 other women we talked about blog subjects and how our blogs can help us build our businesses and after listening to me explain my blogging conundrum (who am I blogging for? Who is my reader? blah blah blah….) the group basically set me straight. They said “You blog about Muchness. Your Muchness. Other people’s muchness. Just go with that. And have fun”

This Blog Posts OFFICIAL CALL TO ACTION:

Please, comment below and let all 6 readers of this blog know how you proactively switch gears to get out of a bad cycle of self-doubt, overwhelm or overthinking.

#MondaysMuchnessMoment!

Posted on July 28, 2014 by Tova

I went off course somewhere. Yesterday’s post about the balloon festival had me reading through old posts on this blog. The good, the bad, the silly, the serious, the long, the short, the sad and the happy.
Frankly, I found it very entertaining. I miss that kinda random blogging. Cuz it wasn’t random. It was just me.
So, this morning I dropped my little one off at camp. While heading back down the long empty hallway I saw a dad walking towards me with his two kids. I thought I knew him so I smiled and waved and asked “how’s it going?” And as the words left my mouth I realized he wasn’t who I thought he was and he was, in fact, a complete stranger.
So without taking a breath I continued “you are not who I thought you were!”
And he replied “well I saw this beautiful smile headed my way and I thought “that’s a nice way to start the day!” …and it didn’t come off sleazy or pick-uppy at all.
So I laughed and said Good Morning and kept walking.
Feels good. Like I brightened his Monday morning with a smile and happy hello.
When he walked back to his car and saw me typing this in the parking lot he flashed me a smile and told me to have a nice day.
It’s Monday people.
Go give a stranger a happy Monday smile and start both of your weeks off on a muchy note!
Here’s one I took just for you! Lol.

Summer memories at the balloon festival

Posted on July 27, 2014 by Tova

Summers been a bit of a roller coaster. In truth, it’s been great, but part of me keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop and so I’ve been recognizing how my own behaviors trigger that crap into reality.
I’ve also noticed that I have a hard time saying things are going well when talking to others… As though if they are, what’s left to talk about?
So lame.
So self sabotaging.
Alas, I am a work in progress.
Big secret. Lol.

Today we packed up the kids and went to the nj balloon festival. I’ve blogged about the festival before.
The first time we went was when I was pregnant with the twins. In that way it always makes me think of them.
Oddly, today, it didn’t so much, except in that I commented how it was so hot- like the year we came when I was pregnant. God that was a miserable day.
And, if memory serves every year since I’m always bombarded by identical twins there. But this year, not a single pair. Didn’t even notice pregnant women in any significant way.
Not sure if that’s new in general, just the way I feel today, or just slowly faded into a non issue over the years. Probably because I no longer have an interest in being pregnant.

All that being said, this morning I ran a garage sale with my cousin and a friend of hers stopped by with her identical twin daughters- maybe 12 years old. I tried to sorta “feel in” to whether I felt my girls’ spirits popping in through them (yes, I do that) but to be honest, I didn’t… And I was ok with it… Though I did stare a lot. They ignored it. They probably get that all the time.

But now that I’m writing about it, pulling it all together, how there were NO twins I noticed at the festival, maybe that was them, sending me a message for the day, in a way that felt more digestible than identical twin bombardment.

Fashion Design meets muchness!!

Posted on July 9, 2014 by Tova

This past Saturday I was sitting on my sister in laws porch talking about how, for a while now, I’ve had a desire to create a Fashion Design Bootcamp for teen/preteen girls. I was thinking maybe I could run it for a week at the end of the summer between when camps end and school begins.
She said it was a great idea and I decided to move forward by doing squat about it.
Then, on Tuesday, by sheer coincidence, my brother-in-law called and told me a friend of his, who is program director at a middle school, called him to ask if I might be interested in running a Fashion Design after school program this fall.
What’re the chances?
So today I put together a proposal for a class where kids would be creating their own fashion brand + collection. Immediately I started thinking about how they’d HAVE to bring their Muchness to this task- how to really use it as a platform to teach fashion design and also confidence, self-esteem, fearless, authentic self-expression. I’d weave in to the classes lessons on avoiding comparisonitis and choosing to see the beauty and uniqueness in everyone, so you can see it in yourself… Thus, creating a brand and collection that is uniquely, awesomely, fearlessly YOU!
Dude, I hope this works out. I’ve already contacted my kids school to see if I could offer the class to their middle school as well. 🙂